just thinking

in our party last week, i told embryo about some of the decisions that i've made in the past two years. on second thought, it must be more appropriate to say that i told them how i handled the nerve-wracking events of my past two years - my realizations, the things i said, etc.

it's been a long time, & it's very weird that i only told them the story now. after all, we are pretty tight, it's our style to talk things over, & the experiences i went through are not easy to go through alone. but i guess that's just my way of dealing with the cards dealt to me. & i guess i was only able to tell them the story now because i can now do so in a detached manner. because lately, i've started being happy again. it took me a long while to get here, you know.

so i can't help but feel so flattered that they approve of the way i handled things. 'ika nga ni john, "top 1 sa academics, top 1 sa buhay". nakakatawa kasi habang nagkekwento ako, sobrang in-affirm nila yung decisions ko. feeling ko tuloy, asa pedestal ako. sabi kasi ni eloi, tumaas daw ang respeto niya sa 'kin. eloi & je-ann even memorized some of my lines. je-ann went further by saving it on her phone so she won't forget. haha. :)

i don't remember who said it anymore, but i was told that i am proof that intelligent people are not necessarily stupid in affairs of the heart. sabi nga ni kamille, rational daw ako. nagagamit ko yung talino ko sa pagdedesisyon. sabi niya, hindi ako yung tipong matalino pero wala lang.

funny talaga yung reactions nila. looking back, i don't even know how i managed to say the right things in what deirdre has coined, "pressure cooker moments". siguro, pasalamat na lang ako kay Lord kasi binigyan niya ako ng grace under pressure.

because of their questions, i realized one thing: i make decisions on my own. i rarely ask for advice. i don't know if it's a good or bad thing, but that's the way i do it. i only ask for advice after i've made my choice, & i need help in dealing with the aftershocks of that choice.

so far, it has been working for me. i can't recall a decision that i regretted for years & years on end. sure, there were those i cried about for a while. but even when i was crying about those, i knew that i made the right choice, & that things will turn out well in time.

haha, grabeng pagbubuhat na ito ng bangko. but in the end, all i really want to say is, "thank you for the affirmation." i really needed it, you know. ;)

quotable quotes

just got home from bobby's & john's joint birthday celebration. lest i forget these words in my sleep-deprived state, here they are:

"you can't have all the benefits without the responsibility."

"open ka, open din naman ako, eh di i-close na natin."

cryptic as these may seem without the context, i'll leave these as is. good morning, world! :)

grieving

we just came home from the wake of ate belen, a distant cousin. she died of a stroke last monday. she left behind two teenage kids & her husband.

the way it happened was so sad. she was in church last saturday, when she started feeling dizzy. she was brought to the hospital, & was unconscious ever since.

kuya nono, her husband (who is a distant uncle), was at sea in europe. my mom called him to relay the news. i don't know if he was just in denial, but among the first things he said was maybe, ate belen was just stressed out.

the doctors told ate belen's family that an operation had to be done immediately, though performing it was not a guarantee that she will be able to recover. however, they needed my uncle's consent. understandably so, he wasn't able to decide immediately. he only consented to the operation on monday morning. i'm not sure if the operation was done that time. ate belen died on monday night.

kuya nono arrived only three hours ago. it was so heartbreaking to see him hold his head & hesitate before going inside the room. the room was full, but everyone was quiet as he & his family were gathered around ate belen's casket. i can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for them.

fortune cookie says...

soon, someone will make you very proud.

mangyari lamang ni rico abelardo

mangyari lamang ay tumayo
ang mga nagmamahal
nang makita ng lahat
ang kagandahan ng mukha ng pag-ibig
ipamalas ang tamis
ng malalim na pagkakaunawaan
sa mga malabo ang paningin

mangyari lamang ay tumayo rin
ang mga nagmahal at nasawi
nang makita ng lahat
ang mga sugat ng isang bayani
ipadama ang pait ng kabiguan
habang ipinagbubunyi
ang walang katulad na kagitingan
ng isang nagtataya

mangyari lamang ay tumayo
ang mga nangangambang magmahal
nang makita ng lahat ang kilos ng isang bata
ipamalas ang katapatan ng damdamin
na pilit ikinukubli
ng pusong lumaki sa mga enkanto at diwata

mangyari lamang ay tumayo
ang mga nagmahal, minahal, at iniwan
ngunit handa pa ring magmahal
nang makita ng lahat ang yaman ng karanasan
ipamalas ang mga katotohanang nasaksihan
nang maging makahulugan
ang mga paghahagulgol sa dilim

at sa mga nananatiling nakaupo
mangyari lamang ay dahan-dahang tumalilis
papalabas sa nakangangang pinto
umuwi na kayo
at sumbatan ang mga magulang
na nagpalaki ng isang halimaw

at sa lahat ng naiwang nakatayo
mangyari lamang ay hagkan ang isa't isa
at yakapin ang mga sugatan
mabuhay tayong lahat
na nagsisikap na makabalik
sa ating pinagmulan

manatiling masaya
at higit sa lahat
magpatuloy sa pagmamahal