walang tulugan!

grabe, gising pa ako! well, i had over 15 hours of sleep yesterday, pero grabe pa rin!

first time ko atang ginawa ito - walang tulog, then pasok na sa office. tingnan natin kung kakayanin ko. well, hindi pwedeng hindi! i have a full day ahead of me, after all.

wish me luck! ; )

weird dream

i dreamt that i have started dating again. in my dream, i was dating someone from physiology (my ex-boyfriend's fourth year high school class). the weird thing was, practically the whole physio was against the "relationship", because they felt that that guy was not right for me. they were mad at me for going out with him, to the extent that a group from physio was berating me about it. sobrang weird.

i remember who the guy i was supposed to be dating was, & i remember one girl who was lecturing me against going out with him. my ex was not in the dream (or at least, i don't remember seeing his face).

if i remember correctly, one hypothesis about dreams is that these are our mind's way of making sense of the signals that it sends when we are unconscious or semi-conscious. whatever.

what is this dream supposed to mean?!

any ideas?

back, after a two-week hiatus

holler!

natawa ako, may comment na si chi na "update!" sa chatbox ko. first time ko atang nakatanggap ng ganoong comment. busy kasi ako during the past two weeks, kaya hindi na ako nakapag-update. tinatamad din. hehe! ; )

i went to a retreat last last week (feb. 23-25). buti na lang talaga, nakapunta ako. it was sponsored by the family renewal movement, a community that deirdre belongs to. actually, siya ang nag-invite sa amin. i went there with rica and rocel, two embryo classmates. there, i met jacqui & em, two of deirdre's college friends. we hit it right off. as in. we got to the BLD covenant house at 4:42 (sakto ang estimate ni manong driver!) but were already laughing our heads off at each other's stories before sunset. grabe kasi ang kwentong fitness first nina em at rica! i bet nagsisi si deirdre na kami ang pingsabay niya sa isang batch. hehe!

at some points, ang hirap ngang tandaan na retreat pala iyon. ang kulit kasi namin! 2 o'clock na kami natulog nung friday night (este, saturday morning) kasi puro kwentuhan. ang hirap tumahimik! pero kailangan, baka magising ang mga kasama namin sa "morgue" (mukhang morgue kasi ang kwarto namin, puro nakatalukbong ng puting kumot ang mga kasama namin).

kaya ayun, inaantok ako nang todo habang may nagsasalita. buti na lang, may kape.

nung saturday night (actually, sunday morning), 2 ulit ang tulog. ang masaya nito, ginising pa kami ng 5! as in! hinarana kasi kami ng sponsoring class. in fairness, na-enjoy ko yung songs kahit na single na ako. : )

buti na lang, balik sa tulog afterwards. then gising ulit ng 7.

teka, retreat nga pala iyon. haha!

maganda naman ang talks. i appreciated the one given by tita rose & tito paulo pabalan most. it was about traditional versus progressive beliefs. napaisip talaga ako sa discussion. a couple of times, napaiyak din ako sa reflections (as expected). natuwa rin ako nung nakita ko yung envelope na puro palanca letters from my family & friends. thank you. : ) & in fairness, i left BLD feeling a lot lighter & more optimistic. thank you, Lord. : )

kagagaling ko nga lang pala sa southmall dahil may 3-day sale. i was able to buy a bag, & two blouses today. nung friday naman, 1 business attire (na kailangan ko pang ipa-alter!) at amy tan's "the bonesetter's daughter". tapos ko na, kanina pa. bumili nga rin pala ako ng desk organizer nung friday. kung nakita mo na ang mesa ko sa office, obvious na kailangan ko. hehe! well, sobrang nice nung organizer! ican't wait to bring it to the office! yay! : )

oo nga pala, bumili rin ako ng walang-kamatayang stockings. : )

o siya, eto lang muna. may pasok pa ako bukas. balak ko pang pumasok nang maaga para ayusin yung mesa ko. career! : )

sweet dreams, friends. : )

happy valentine's : )

whenever i watch romantic movies, witness couples kiss & make up, & listen to love songs, i smile & feel good because i know that love still works...if not for me, at least for others.

happy valentine's day, friends! : )

will buy: digicam, & all HP books

the past week went by slowly. as in. i was out of the office on official business (to participate in job fairs) from tuesday afternoon to friday afternoon. hence, the pile i saw on my table come friday afternoon was more than enough to make me wish that there is more than one of me to process all of those papers.

needless to say, i am quite tired. i was supposed to drop by the office yesterday, but i decided against it. my soft bed & blanket got the better of me. i woke up at around 3 pm, contented with all the sleep that i got. haha...

= = = = = = = = = =

okay, i have now decided to buy a digicam. any suggestions? :)

= = = = = = = = = =

the hp 5 movie will be shown on july 13. yay! nag-schedule na ng leave si kacey at nel para dito. gusto ko na rin tuloy mag-leave. hehe! tapos, the 7th book, harry potter & the deathly hallows, will be out on july 21. shocks, gastos na naman. major expense ito, since i already intend to buy the whole set of 7 hardbound books in a box. mababa na siguro ang 10k. grabe...

i'm thinking of...

...buying a digicam in time for the HR outing in subic on feb. 9. kaso, ang mahal. parang sayang ang pera...

tsk, tsk. eto na naman ang kakuriputan ko. ; )

finally...

you've said your piece, & i've said mine (most of it, anyway). you've made your point, so have i. we've each made our resolves, & i know that we will try our hardest to stick with it.

i know we will both try. i, for my part, have thought things over countless times & i am sure that this is the best course for me to take, under the circumstances. i still love you, though. you know that.

i could only hope that i really am doing the right thing, handling this this way. i am certain that this will be hard...no one said that this will be easy, anyway. i pray too, that you are right in your decision.

there will be regrets, i'm sure (at least, on my part). for me, there will be also be tears, bittersweet recollections, maybe even sleepless nights. but i will be strong. falling apart is not an option.

i had you for some time, & i'm thankful for it. i wanted to have you for a bit longer, but i guess that's just not in my cards.

anyway, thank you, dear. i wish you well.

what tarot card am i?

You are The Tower

Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.

The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.

The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

bridget jones: the edge of reason

"the room started to go blotchy. hate this thing about dating. one minute you're closer to someone than anyone in the whole world, next minute they only need to say the words "time apart," "serious talk" or "maybe you..." and you're never going to see them again and will have to spend the next six months having imaginary conversations in which they beg to come back, and bursting into tears at the sight of their toothbrush."

- bridget in bridget jones: the edge of reason
by helen fielding

pride & prejudice

"you are too generous to trifle with me. if your feelings are still what they were last april, tell me so at once. my affections & wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever."

mr. darcy in pride & prejudice
by jane austen

if i were in hell, i'd be...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

...

since last night, i have been rereading my previous blog entries. going back a couple of months, i couldn't help but miss what we used to have.

i know that it's been 9 months since we broke up. i have not forgotten that my friends have been pushing me to put more effort into getting over him, & i realize the wisdom of their counsel. i know that they not only mean well; they are also right. after all, i can't wallow in misery forever.

yes, i know that having loved & lost does not justify curling into a fetal position & wishing that the world would just go away & leave me alone in my despair. i know that i am not the only one who has gone through this, & that so many people before me have survived. i am also quite aware that at some point, the piercing pain would subside into a dull ache, & happy memories would begin to bring smiles once more, not by-products of my lachrymal glands. & i know that this phase is not easy. wow, that's probably the understatement of a lifetime.

i know that this is not easy because i am in this. i'm feeling the immense pain that comes with losing someone i love deeply. once in a while, i am hounded by "what if...?" questions. when i pass by places that have been "ours" at one point or another, i am flooded by memories of what used to be. & almost everytime that happens, i can't help but wish that i still had him with me.

a friend of mine said, "you will always go back to square one". how painful & true. did i already say painful? think about it. you put all your energy into trying to forget that he exists, and/or into trying to accept that what you had is gone. when something new, sad, happy, exciting, or boring happens to you, you make a conscious effort not to text or call him or to give him a blow-by-blow account of your life as it is at that moment. you may even let yourself be dragged to gimmicks that well-meaning friends have set up for you, though you are in "my life sucks & nothing can change that" mode.

after some time of pretending that you're okay, you realize that you can do without a big chunk of the pretending. surprise, surprise, you've made progress! there's significantly less pain in your chest, you feel a lot lighter, & the spring is back in your step. high five! pat on the back! *hug* your baby steps have actually brought you somewhere.

with this superb realization comes little flutters of panic. oh no, i'm actually starting to get over him! without meaning to, you find yourself singing along to lea salonga's, "let the pain remain" (on the count of three, one, two, three: let the pain remain forever in my heart / for every drop of it is one more moment spent with you / i'll let the pain / bring in all the rain / if that's the only way / if there's no other way to be with you again).

what did my friend say again? square one. back to where it all began.

in cooking heaven

i think that all of my high school friends know that i love to cook, & that i'm good at it. during our Christmas party in third year high school, i offered to bring lasagna, which turned out to be a hit with my classmates. the same was the fate of the mango cheesecake that i made for dianne's birthday a couple of years ago (nahuli ko pang sinisimot ni pat at tenten yung container na nasa sink na).

give me a recipe, ingredients & equipment, & more likely than not, i will be able to cook whatever is in the recipe. there goes the reason i was touted as "housewife material".

my major cooking frustration was that i couldn't learn baking because we didn't have an oven. but now, we have one!

last tuesday, i bought an elba gas range with oven as a gift for my family. it looks like this:



it was delivered yesterday afternoon. i already tried baking a dish of brownies this afternoon, & they turned out great! okay, i cheated because i used a brownie mix, but still! :)

i sure hope that i'll have enough time (& patience!) to practice baking in the next few weeks. i want to learn how to make brownies, pies, cookies, even cakes! who knows, i might be able to whip something yummy in time for Christmas. can't wait! :)

bugging you

got this from ate ria's blog. this bug is so cute, it didn't bug me at all.

click to enjoy! :)

vacation mode na! (medyo...)

i actually felt well today. yipee! i was able to go out & shop in southmall, & i made a major purchase. double yipee!

wala lang. masaya lang ako kasi okay na ang pakiramdam ko. i actually had to cancel a gimmick yesterday because of my headache. since okay na ako, let's reschedule! badz! ;)

kaso lang, i'm practically broke. kaya okay na ang level ng mcdo. haha!

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to somehow make the rest of my fiscal year easier, i need to finish the following, hopefully while i'm still on vacation:

1. recruitment workflow
2. service head & senior sales executive recruitment matrix
3. service head & senior sales executive interview guide

waaah! ayoko munang gumawa ng trabaho!