thank you

it's been getting easier each day, & i'm thankful for that.

yun lang. : )

prayer

Lord,

i know that when this blows over, i will be eternally grateful to you for having gone through this experience.

but please make this end soon. you know that i am not that patient!

amen.

(hehe.)

random ramblings from nerd-dom

hello world! i'm alive!

our first term officially ended last october 25, but lucky me, the deadline of our take-home stat finals was october 29. you know how an endeavor expands to fill the time allotted for it? that's exactly what happened. so at around 7pm on the 29th, i was in a cab on my way to campus (dead-tired from facilitating a training session from 9 to 4, and attending a meeting from 5 to 6), encircling my final answers. hehe.

that's it for the first term. my 3 grades are out, and i did well. i'm so happy!

this term, i'm only taking 2 subjects - methods of research and financial accounting. not exactly exciting courses, but i need these if i want to understand business.

(pause first, condition and convince self, hehe)

okay, attempt futile. brain refuses to cooperate. : )

i'm stating the obvious, but i love being back in school. i love learning from my professors and classmates. the eager beaver in me is rejoicing at being given opportunities to read and recite.

it's not easy since i'm still working full time and trying hard to make time for friends, but i don't see myself giving up anytime soon. i don't care that i got sick a few times last term. i'm in no rush, i can always take a lighter load if my work load becomes heavier than usual.

i'm not complaining, not at all. in fact, i feel so grateful that i'm doing this right now. if you told me a year ago that this is where i'd be, that this is what i'd be doing, i wouldn't have believed you. i would have thought that you were just pulling my leg.

after all, i was just picking up the pieces of myself, trying to get back on track. studying was so far off - making myself whole again was my priority. it was my heart that needed attention; my mind had to take a backseat.

but now, i'm okay. i'm happy. sometimes, i even find myself wondering if i deserve all that i'm getting - this seems too good to be true. i know that i prayed and hoped for this for a long time, but it's still incredible that i have it now.

enough of the mush. back to the real world which includes an accounting presentation that i still have to do. hehe. : )

if you love someone, ask them for nothing.

stolen from ate cla's multiply. : )

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If you love someone, ask them for nothing. Don't hold them back from their destiny. Don't keep them from going off in search of their own answers. Don't ask them for commitment. You will know commitment is real when it is something given willingly, and not as something obligatory. Don't ask them for promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart when the right time for promises has come.

And when that time arrives, then you will see that you have both lost nothing by setting each other free, and have instead gained a richer, fuller life, a wealth of experiences, and a stronger certainty of your desires.

But should they not return to you, then life hasn't cheated you because no promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel thankful and blessed that at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored your life, that knowing them has already made life infinitely more meaningful.

By setting a person free, you run a risk of them not returning. But always remember that you found them beautiful precisely because they were free. People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you can't hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever. People CHOOSE to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so many other options. Love has no restrictions and it is through mistakes that sometimes we see the right answer. Because if you love someone, you ask them for nothing and they will come back to you.

schedule, schedule

kagabi ko lang na-realize na ganito pala ang sched ko this week, until next week:

monday: class
wednesday: 2 classes
friday: class (though make-up lang ito)
saturday: whole-day new student orientation and prayer meeting
sunday: FRM homecoming
next monday: group meeting (on a holiday!)
next wednesday: 2 classes
next friday: class (make-up ulit)

oo nga pala, full-time pa rin akong nagtatrabaho.

grabe, para akong nagsaksak ng sarili. parang lang naman. ; )

the nerd goes back to her comfort zone : )

wow, it's been over two months since i last posted here!

since then, nakaakyat na ako ng mt. sembrano, at nakapunta na ng mt. pinatubo. nagkita-kita na ulit kami ng embryo, at ng thesis mates ko. at nag-aaral na ako ulit. : )

i started my MBA in ateneo rockwell last july 14. i'm taking 3 subjects this trisem - business communication, managerial statistics and applied math. so far, so good. i got home from buscom at past 11, since the class is from 6 to 9. pero okay lang.

we had a presentation last night, and a really exhilarating feeling came over me right after we finished. i don't know, i guess it's just the rush that comes after you've done something well. it's been three years since i was last in school, and there's nothing like compliments from the professor to make you feel that it's been worth the effort. plus, since our group is done, petiks muna kami next meeting. wahaha!

getting back to school is probably the biggest decision i made for myself recently (this, and asking for a lateral transfer at work a little over a year ago). this means that i will be broke and harrassed for probably the next three years. my practically non-existent social life will plummet to the darkest depths of nothingness (if that is even possible). i expect that at some points, i will regret this. after all, who wants to be bogged down with projects and papers? i know all these, but getting back to school feels right to me now.

what better timing could i ask for? i'm young and single. i still have the eager beaver spirit of my high school years. my work and my friends' experiences in their jobs make the theories real to me. i believe that i am still a sponge. i crave for experiences that will add to my knowledge, challenge my beliefs, and widen my perspective.

there, i have just recounted to myself why i am doing this. gives me something to go back to when stat and math start to get the better of me. : )

si Lord talaga

hay, naku. binibiro na naman ata ako ni Lord.

okay lang sana na magbiro Siya, e. sana lang, huwag sa aspeto na ito. hindi ko kaya e!

hay...

for the sake of having a new post

i just want to say that i am still alive and kicking. yay!

haha.

okay naman ako, masaya pa rin. wala nga lang nangyayaring bago lately, kaya wala akong maikwento.

well, gusto ko na ulit mag-aral. actually, ilang buwan ko na ring pinag-iisipan ito. pero konti pang dasal. sayang naman kasi kung hindi pa ako sigurado.

hmm, ano pa ba? wala na! hehe. : )

kasi, kasi

ayan, napapaisip ka tuloy.

after 1,051,200 minutes

its been two years since that fateful day, & for the most part, i felt every excruciating moment of it. there were days when i shed enough tears to make me believe that it would be the last time that i would. of course, there were sequels. days when things were unbelievably bad, that it seemed as if all my energy has been zapped out of me. on these days, staring blankly at anything took precedence over everything else. i have probably memorized the position of each little glow-in-the-dark star on my white age-stained bedroom ceiling. days when every tiny memory sparked a full-blown, unbidden recollection of what had been, which almost always ended up with me wishing to bring back "those times".

yet, i don't feel any embarrassment in admitting that i had days like that. on the contrary, the memories tug at corners of my lips, & add to the immense gratefulness that i feel in my heart. i could only say, thank you, it's all over.

after 1,051,200 minutes, i find that...
...i'm back to my old, optimistic, bubbly self. i'm seeing the world again through rose-colored glasses. every situation seems to hold much promise of pleasure & learning, every nook & crevice worth exploring.
...i've rediscovered the joy & peace of solitude, when i talk to myself & let the events of my day go on auto-rewind.
...i'm making plans for me, myself & i, & expanding my horizons to include options that wouldn't even have crossed my mind before.
...i'm going out again, & enjoying good conversation. i love being out of the house, just hanging around. i'm reconnecting with the people who have always been there, waiting for me to break my self-imposed hermitage. the very same people who listened intently to me when i was finally ready to talk, were brutally honest with me so it wouldn't even cross my mind to delude myself (or if i was doing it already, i would snap out of it), & openly supported me in the decisions i made. the very same people who i know i could always count on to be there, whatever pickle i get myself in. i only have to holler or squeak.
...i'm singing again - literally & figuratively. can't help it, there's music in my head. happy, wonderful music.
...i've reunited with my old passions - reading, cooking, thinking.
...i'm perfectly happy with who i am.
...i'm actively involved in developing my spirituality, & in trying to discover the beauty of my faith. i acknowledge that without Him, i am nothing. He may send me humongous challenges, but He would never give me more than i can take. & it is by His infinite grace that i have each & every day to look forward to.
...i understand why i had to go through this. it's not a matter of whether i deserved it or not. things happen, albeit painful ones, & we have to find our own ways of dealing with them. what won't kill you would make you stronger.
...it's quite okay for me to go about things on my own pace. i shouldn't compare myself to other people for even if the situations seem exactly the same, we all bring something different to the equation. also, i shouldn't push myself to go beyond what i can manage at a particular point in time. after all, healing is a process.
...while letting go is a sign of weakness, it can also be a testament to one's maturity & strength of character. we have to recognize what it is that we can & should keep, & what it is that we should leave be.
...i feel no anger at him (never did, actually) or at myself for the way things ended. i still believe in my heart that we were lucky to have what we did - a 52-month relationship that was built on friendship, trust & love. a relationship where we let each other be, & supported each other's decisions.
...i've come so far, & i got here on my own.

overall, i am grateful for the things that were, contented with what i have now, & hopeful about the things yet to come. when you've come from below, there's no way to go but up, after all. up, up, up i go! : )

high tech na ang lola!

naka-DSL na kami! woohoo!

isipin mo, more than 2 years na akong nag-i-internet na dial up lang. felt like a million years. hehe!

ayan, mas mabilis na ang pag-post ng pics sa multiply at sa blog. ; )

hodgepodge

i don't remember when i last posted, kaya anything goes na lang this time. ang dami nang kwento, e. : )

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last thursday, i texted eloi, a classmate from embryology, about something that i did. here's her reply: i bet u wud hav given anything 2 hav seen my reaction 2 ur msg. facial expresions ko: shock, apprehension, worry, relief, joy. in that order :-) m hapi 4 u! :-*

nakakatuwa. : )

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last february 15, my boss & i attended the philippine government's economic briefing at the rizal ballroom of makati shangri-la. it was supposed to start at 10. unfortunately, we were late.

ayun, kalmadong-kalmado pa rin kaming naglalakad paakyat ng ballroom, nang bumulong ang isang guard: ma'am, paki-double time po ang paglakad. nasa likod niyo na po ang presidente.

at this point, tumakbo na kami ng boss ko. hehe!

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nung wednesday naman, asa ateneo rockwell ako for a half-day economic & political briefing. one of the speakers was gov. joey salceda of albay, who is also one of gma's economic advisers. panalo yung isang comment niya about gma: she may be a bitch, but she's the luckiest bitch around.

after he said that, everyone laughed. & then, biglang natauhan siya: may TV nga pala. (he slumps a bit on the rostrum and holds his head in his hand.)

may camera at crew kasi ng abs-cbn sa likod, not to mention reporters in the audience. hehe.

that comment made it to the first page of the inquirer last thursday: "after 'evil' tag comes 'she's the luckiest bitch' ".

medyo surreal lang. i never thought that i would find myself reading articles about economic briefings & actually understanding the implications of the movements of the economic fundamentals. not to mention thinking, "ay, eto yung article about the briefing yesterday. andun ako."

surreal. surreal, but nice. : )

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i've lost 10 pounds in the past month!

kaya ko palang mag-diet. ang hirap nga lang i-convince ng mga tao na hindi ako umiinom ng fitrum o xenical. at na hindi rin ako gumagamit ng shabu. ; )

wala lang, kailangan nang magkasya nung college clothes ko. wala akong balak na bumili ng mga bagong damit! hehe.

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ngarag sa work ngayon. i have two major papers pending, tapos malapit na ang mancom planning. i'm already working on my presentation for the pre-planning. this coming week promises to be a very hectic one. baka nga pumasok pa kami sa weekend.

pero okay lang. masaya naman ako. : )

road to romantic ruin is paved with practical gifts (by dave barry)

over two years ago, deirdre gave me a copy of chicken soup for the romantic soul. this is one of the stories that i enjoyed immensely. just want to share it, as valentine's is coming up.

read on, guys! ; )

(buy the book too if you can, it's a fun read.)

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the other day my son and i were talking, and the subject of women came up, and i realized that it was time he and i had a Serious Talk. it's a talk every father should have with his son; and yet, far too often, we fathers avoid the subject, because it's so awkward.

the subject i am referring to is: buying gifts for women.

this is an area where many men do not have a clue. exhibit A was my father, who was a very thoughtful man, but who once gave my mother, on their anniversary, the following token of his love, his commitment, and - yes - his passion for her: an electric blanket. he honestly could not understand why, when she opened the box, she gave him that look (you veteran men know the look i mean). after all, this was the deluxe model electric blanket! with an automatic thermostat! what more could any woman WANT?

another example: i once worked with a guy named george who, for christmas, gave his wife, for her big gift - and i am not making this gift up - a chain saw. (as he later explained: "hey, we NEEDED a chain saw.") fortunately, the saw was not operational when his wife unwrapped it.

the mistake that george and my dad made, and that many guys make, was thinking that when you choose a gift for a woman, it should do something useful. wrong! the first rule of buying gifts for women is: THE GIFT SHOULD NOT DO ANYTHING, OR, IF IT DOES, IT SHOULD DO IT BADLY.

for example, let's consider two possible gifts, both of which, theoretically, perform the same function:

GIFT ONE: a state-of-the-art gasoline-powered lantern, with electronic ignition and dual mantles capable of generating twelve hundred lumens of light for ten hours on a single tank of fuel.

GIFT TWO: a scented beeswax candle, containing visible particles of bee poop and providing roughly the same illumination as a lukewarm corn dog.

now to a guy, Gift One is clearly superior, because you could use it to see in the dark. whereas to a woman, Gift Two is MUCH better, because women love to sit around in the gloom with reeking, sputtering candles, and don't ask ME why. i also don't know why a woman would be ticked off if you gave her a fifty-six piece socket-wrench set with a seventy-two-tooth reversible ratchet, but thrilled if you give her a tiny, very expensive vial of liquid with a name like "l'essence de nooquie eau de parfum de cologne de toilette de bidet," which, to the naked male nostril, does not smell any better than a stick of Juicy Fruit. all i'm saying is that this is the kind of thing women want. (that's why the ultimate gift is jewelry; it's totally useless.)

the second rule of buying gifts for women is: YOU ARE NEVER FINISHED. this is the scary part, the part that my son and his friends are just discovering. if you have a girlfriend, she will give you, at MINIMUM, a birthday gift, an anniversary gift, a Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa gift, and a Valentine's Day gift, and every one of these gifts will be nicely wrapped AND accompanied by a thoughtful card. when she gives you this gift, YOU HAVE TO GIVE HER ONE BACK. you can't just open your wallet and say, "here's, let's see...seventeen dollars!"

and, as i told my son, it only gets worse. looming ahead are bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, Mother's Day and other Mandatory Gift Occasions that would not even EXIST if men, as is alleged, really ran the world. women observe ALL of these occasions, and MORE. my wife will buy gifts for NO REASON. she'll go into one of those gift stores at the mall that men never enter, and she'll find something, maybe a tiny cute box that could not hold anything larger than a molecule, and is therefore useless, and she'll buy it, PLUS a thoughtful card, and SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE RECIPIENT IS YET. millions of other women are out doing the same thing, getting farther and farther ahead, while we guys are home watching instant replays. we have no chance of winning this war.

that's what i told my son. it wasn't pleasant, but it was time he knew the truth. some day, when he is older and stronger, we'll tackle an even more difficult issue, namely, what to do when a woman asks: "do these pants make me look fat?" (answer: flee the country.)

good morning, world! it's a manic monday!

i woke way ahead of my phone's alarm clock. read a text message, & couldn't get back to sleep anymore. okay lang din, monday naman. sa hirap sumakay, dapat maaga ako. better yet, dapat makasabay ako sa service nina mommy. mukhang aabot naman ako. hehe. : )

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tuesday morning last week, mahirap sumakay. well, what else would i expect (wala kasing terminal dito sa bundok namin)?! pero sinwerte ako kasi nakasakay ako ng van, kahit isa na lang ang bakante.

akala ko, okay na (kahit 7 na, at 8:30 ang pasok ko). after all, nakasakay na ako. no small feat, if you're coming from cavite & going to manila. but no...

kalalabas pa lang ng van ng subdivision, iba na ang dinaanan ng driver. may banggaan daw kasi dun sa usual na daanan. (i said to myself, sana hindi ako ma-late...)

nag-gasolina si manong. (certified commuters lang ang makakaintindi kung gaano ka-bad trip ang driver na naggagasolina during rush hour.)

lumipat si manong sa kabilang gasolinahan para magpahangin ng gulong. (waaaaah!)

at dumaan pa kami sa vulcanizing shop! panalo!

i swear, kung dumaan pa si manong sa drive thru at bumili ng agahan, babatuhin ko siya ng barya.
or maybe not. after all, 2-3 times a week din akong sumasakay sa van nila lately. hehe.

pero in fairness, hindi ako na-late. ; )

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it's a manic monday! gising naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! : )

these make it all worthwhile

during college, i was part of gabay, a socially-oriented organization. we tutored grade 6 kids, & support some of them throughout high school. when i was in fourth year, we had a scholar named mark, who was a freshman in ateneo high. pa-graduate na siya this year! this was his letter, which we got through our egroup:

It has already been four years of great Atenean experience being a scholar of Gabay. Having a 100% tuition and fees financial aid, a monthly allowance and a chance to study in a very prestigious school, no doubt, one will get more motivated to deliver more than what is required. More than these things though, Gabay has given me this great opportunity to lay out the foundation for my future. This kind of opportunity rarely comes in our lives and I know by myself that this won’t simply be wasted.

When I was still in Grade six, entering the Ateneo wasn’t on my mind. I just thought of that idea as something impossible to happen, knowing that I wasn’t included in the list of three people who would take the entrance exam. I also thought that my parents wouldn’t send me to this very prestigious school because of financial incapability. But fortunately, Gabay opened up a door of opportunities. They helped me take the exam and they even prepared me for it. I remembered, we arranged all the files needed for the entrance exam only on the day of the deadline. That’s also the time a benefactor came up. Luckily, I passed the exam and the interview. Hopefully, through my efforts in studies, I have been able to demonstrate my greatest gratitude for the kindness and opportunities this organization has been giving me.

Two persons that took a big part on this achievement were Kuya IC, a Gabay member, and Ms. Marcia Gokongwei. Kuya IC was the one responsible for organizing my scholarship documents and files needed for the entrance exam. Also, because high school life in Ateneo is most certainly different from the simple and trouble-free life that I knew in grade school, he guided me and gave pieces of advice for some adjustments. On the other hand, Ms. Marcia Gokongwei is the one sustaining my monthly allowance since first year. She made it easier for my family and me because we don’t have to worry about my daily expenses in school. I believe that with the exclusive assistance of Kuya IC and Ms. Marcia, I was able to cope up the requirements needed during my four years in high school.

Gabay has always been very supportive of me and at the same time, very reliable. They have been providing me tutorial sessions since my first year. I was also given the privilege of entering the Gabay room where a lot of Ates and Kuyas would always help me and would always surround me with an air of encouragement and strength. The brotherhood and sisterhood I learned from this organization made me realized that helping out someone is one best way of expressing my gratitude to the blessings God has been providing me. I realized that Gabay has granted me these precious and valuable presents and there is really nothing more that I can ask for.

I believe that studying here in the Ateneo with the Gabay at my back has brought me in a relentless drive and determination of proving that I am worthy of receiving this honor of being a Gabay scholar. I am very thankful for being the recipient of Gabay scholarship. I’m also thankful for all the knowledge and advices that my Ates and Kuyas have always been providing me. I’m sure this organization will serve as a model to everyone and certainly, God will prolong this organization doing its whole-hearted and remarkable service so that many people will also get the same opportunities that have been granted to me.

Hopefully, if God will let me in the Ateneo College, undeniably, I will support this organization to the best of my capabilities and be very active so that I can help it become more beneficial than already it is. The exceptional help and provisions of this whole organization continue to encourage me to surpass all the struggles and uncertainties that come along my way of reaching my dreams. Thank you very much and God Bless you all and your families.

Sincerely Yours,
Joseph Mark H. Jimenez


kung matiyaga ka at binasa mo ito nang buo, maiintindihan mo kung bakit naluha ako dito. sobrang affirming. it reminded me that what we busied ourselves with in the organization really bore fruit. mas natuwa pa ako nung nalaman kong nakapasa si mark sa ateneo, BS ECE ang course. wow.

thank you Lord! : )

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last december 19, our company hosted a jollibee kiddie party for the kids of caritas manila. i was part of the team that organized it. according to ma'am kristine, there were two kids who really wanted to touch jollibee, but were too shy to do it along with the other kids. kaya huli na silang lumapit. here's their pic, taken by sir noli, our corporate affairs head:



pagod na pagod kami after the party, but things like this push all the weariness away.

so, kailan at saan ang sunod na outreach?! ; )