from an old friend

2.17.06
"in my dream last nyt, we chancd upon each odr @ a tryk trminal. it ws awkwrd as evr, bt jst b4 u left i had d courge 2 sy hi...n u greetd me back..i felt so happy."

"well, i gues if i did run in2 u n real lyf, id feel awkward at 1st, but den, i wudnt let that get in d way, kc sa totoo lng, nami-miss n kta. i hope we cn st b frnds."

"meet by chance? very unlikely ata..i know things wl nvr b as they were, pro ok lg b sau makipagbati? as in no hard feelings? sakn ok lng, in fact gs2 ko.."


it's been some time. it's been a little over two years since that fateful day of february 2, when i saw and felt my world crumble right before my eyes.

some people would probably think that that was a long time ago. i think and feel otherwise, because when i am alone, tears still fall from my recollections of that day. i am still confused about why those things had to happen, and why those things had to happen to me. i am still angry because people i thought i had a bond with judged me without even waiting to hear my side. but most of all, i am still hurt because i was treated the way i was treated, after everything we've shared.

would anyone believe me when i say that i didn't want things to turn out the way they did? two years ago, i knew that most people had such an unflattering opinion of me, that they would think i was being selfish, contrary and uncooperative on purpose.

if only they knew how hard it was for me to pull myself together during those times. if only they saw the effort i exerted to somehow try to make things clearer, my side at least. if only they felt the sting that their words inflicted on me, when they made up their minds on the basis of the very few things that they know.

the damage has been done. to an extent, things are beyond repair. but are they really? i've been carrying this load on my shoulders for two years. i'm beat.

to the last text message that i typed above, i replied that "i could try". that's all i can promise. i could only hope that this time, i'll be given a chance.