new experiences beckon

the management trainee program that i am in officially ended last friday. tomorrow, my co-MT's & i will be starting in our new departments as junior officers. here's where we will be:

retail marketing - aisha
consumer sales - robbie & jonah
retail loans - jamie & crystal
treasury - justin
remedial management - cecille, kris & elcie
auto finance - connie, benj & sarah
enterprise financial services - roxy
accounting - rina
human resources - me! :)

yes, i got into the department i wanted. i'm quite happy about that, yet i couldn't help but feel a tremendous weight on my shoulders. i feel that if i mess up in any way, people could always point their fingers at me & whisper to each other, "she doesn't have any reason not to do well. she got what she asked for, after all."

i may be paranoid, yes, but i have reason to be. after all, i did wage a fierce battle just not to be assigned to a business unit. i spoke what's on my mind, so passionately to the extent that i could not contain my tears anymore at times. *sigh*

tomorrow, i will start being an HR officer. i'll be in recruitment for 6 months, then i'll be transferred to organizational development. i'm scared, very scared actually, but quite excited too. i have a lot to learn, new people to get along with, new projects & tasks to do, new boss, basically new everything. i know that i've been working for 8 months already, but i feel that the "real" work starts tomorrow. i'm not an MT anymore. as some officers say, we MT's are not "special" anymore.

there are many expectations, but above all, i hope that i can live up to the expectations that i have for myself. i hope that if i pass something, it's something that actually passed my standards, & not an output that i'm already turning in because i mismanaged my time & don't have time anymore to make things better. i want to be a better version of who i am.

am i making sense? maybe not.

all i know is that i am currently on the threshold of something new, that asks more from me than i've already given so far. i hope & pray that i'll be able to deliver.