Sunday, December 11, 2005

judgment day looms near...

it's on tuesday. 4 senior officers will be evaluating whether i learned enough about credit during the past three months. i hope that i'll be able to deliver.

sometimes i wonder, what is it about formal examinations that scare us so much, when we have grasped the material anyway? all i know is that i am often nervous before exams, whether written or oral ones. before orals, i often find myself unable to eat or drink, even though i'm supposed to be hungry already. when i enter the room where the exam will take place, it's as if a cold hand is on my throat; i'm scared, i walk mechanically to my seat, & i feel that i won't be able to utter even just a word.

the thing i could be grateful for is that i loosen up once i start anwering. plus, i could look calm even when inside, i'm trembling.

my revalida's on tuesday, either before or after lunch. last week, i was thinking about it already. now, i'm close to obsessing about it. but in a way, i'm comforted by all these emotions that are tumbling in me. as i told sarah last friday, i would rather be nervous than not. at least, i know that i'm taking this important thing seriously.

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