goes with my current blog name...

...

"wala nga kaya akong karapatan sa iyo? ang mahalin kita ang siya kong karapatan. hindi ko maipipilit ang aking sarili. mamahalin kita nang may paghahamon. inihanda ko na ang aking sarili sa anumang pag-uusig, at ang pag-uusig man ng aking sarili, balang araw, kung mangyari man, ay pinaghandaan ko na rin."

- alma fuertes
mula sa ang tundo man may langit din
ni andres cristobal cruz

= = = = = = = = =

kailan ko kaya matatagpuan ang langit ko?

ateneo survey

got this from chi's other blog. seems like something out of a teen magazine. you know, those with introductions like, "how much of an atenean are you? take this quiz to find out!" as if that could be measured by a survey. hehe... :)

this is a nice way to reminisce anyway. here goes...


(x) ate at Manang's - of course. the first few times were when i was still a high school junior, and a participant of the ateneo junior summer seminar (AJSS).
(x) learned the alma mater - i don't know how, but i did.
(x) got on the dean's list - yup! except on my first sem. was short of 0.1. talk about frustrating!
( ) slept on a bench
( ) been a TNT!
( ) jogged around the campus in the evening
(x) visited the art gallery - once or twice. even got brochures.
(x) knew at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name - ate alma of colayco, ate jenny of RSF
(x) got a Jesuit for a teacher - fr. adolfo dacanay, SJ (th131)
(x) itched from higad bites - yes, once during third year. half my face turned horribly red and patchy. i took a certain medicine that made me sleep for three straight hours in the library.
(x) have gotten an F in something - yes. in one of my botany long tests, in a couple of th131 quizzes, and in my first long test with calasanz
(x) have taken a crap in school - yup! haha!
(x) watched a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game - does watching on the idiot box count?
(x) gave a powerpoint presentation - who didn't???
(x) studied in the Caf Upstairs - yup, and ended up smelling like sisig whenever i wasn't lucky enough to get a seat near a window.
(x) watched a TA play - La Vida Es Sueño. it was required for fil11.
( ) sat on the SEC ledge and watched the stars
(x) eat in Full House, Martha's Kitchen, and Ken Afford - only in Ken Afford, though.
(x) slept in the lib - of course! the ambiance was too conducive for mind and body relaxation. hehe...
( ) visited Mr. San Andres
(x) went to the chapel - to pray, hear mass and sing in a choir
(x) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad - even pieces of gravel
( ) cut class with your block to watch a movie - our block wasn't close enough for this
(x) signed up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers: Ferriols, Dacanay, David, Manacsa, Ang, Escaler, Arcilla, Totanes, and many others - made it a point whenever they were among the options. was able to get dacanay and calasanz, both of whom gave me F's in some of the requirements.
( ) went to CERSA night
( ) have tried siomai rice
( ) learned how to smoke - i don't like the smell of smoke.
(x) fell in love - still in love.
(x) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib - there were only 2 or 3 books that i kept borrowing, for legitimate academic purposes.
(x) played cards during your free time - learned bluff, bridge and pusoy dos during first year.
(x) dressed in business attire - during orals (when the teacher said so) and defenses.
( ) learned to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight - no! not without the aid of extra joss.
( ) have gotten side comments from ASSOC - thank heavens, no.
( ) took (and enjoyed) Saturday classes
(x) went to your immersion - went to an aeta community in maporak, zambales.
(x) ate Food for Thought sandwiches - just once. and i never understood why two slices of bread, a lettuce leaf, a morsel of meat and a tomato slice costs 40 bucks.
(x) got a boyfriend/girlfriend - from the other school, yes. :)
(x) took time to read the vandalism in the CR doors - one went, "tell (cellphone number appears here) that he has succeeded in breaking the strongest girl there is." or something very similar to that.
( ) watched "Minsan Lang Sila Bata" and "Macho Dancer" for class
(x) did a last-minute paper - most of my papers were last-minute. our thesis was last-minute. hence, passing papers on time involved a lot of running on my and my groupmates' part. hehe...
(x) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures (for index cards and teachers' seat plans) - and resumes.
(x) got exempted from final exams - physics, hi166 and eco102
(x) attended a college mass - i almost always did. hearing mass in the quad held a certain charm for me.
( ) promised to quit smoking
( ) played hide-and-seek in the mini-forest
(x) knew where the best restrooms are on campus
(x) joined an org - Gabay and Ateneo Peer Counselors Group
(x) allowed yourself to make mistakes - but never quite got over some of them
(x) took summer classes - only practicum class
( ) admired the sacred heart statue in the evening - never really thought about admiring it. was more focused on trying to see how it could turn into a statue of the Virgin Mary, as many attest that it can, due to a play of light and shadows.
(x) made a video for a project
( ) had a crush on a teacher - no. was too loyal. :)
( ) attended a Jesuit retreat
( ) have gotten a parking ticket - i had nothing to park.
(x) came to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes - slightly baggy jeans, baby tee, rubber shoes
( ) learned how to use the Bayantel pay phones
(x) participated in school activities - food sales, org and cluster activities, job fairs, masses
(x) caught the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts - during first year, coz marley and reg tried out.
(x) dated an Atenean - not in the romantic sense, only in the two-friends-eating-out sense.
(x) rode a tricycle on campus - whenever i was close to being late, and/or it was raining.
(x) found a tambayan - Gabay Room
(x) admired the Marikina Valley at night - yes. way back in AJSS, and once, with Bene. :)
( ) went drinking along Katipunan
( ) learned how to beg for a higher grade
( ) used your cuts wisely - call me boring, but i hardly used my cuts.
( ) volunteered to be class beadle - no thanks. making seat plans and photocopying handouts for everyone do not appeal to me.
( ) had the worst lottery schedule for reg - had early reg priveleges :)
(x) admired the trees on campus - especially when the fire trees are in bloom
( ) have forgotten about your free cut and gone to that class - who is ever muddled enough to forget a free cut?!
(x) ate in the ISO canteen
(x) be active in your org
( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy you like signed up for it
( ) got as many app forms as you can during the job fair
(x) learned how to cram (and still get A's) - i have perfected this ;)
( ) sold tickets (or watched) an org-sponsored movie premiere
( ) saved money to photocopy all of your seatmate's notes
( ) have accidentally seen a makeout session
(x) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge - i pass by the lagoon practically everyday. i focus on the lotus flowers, though (not on the murky water).
( ) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice-versa - my CTC - Bel classes were at least an hour apart. thank God.
(x) learned how to work with groupmates from hell
( ) perfected the art of parking on campus
( ) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus - no. ateneo personnel are quite polite.
(x) developed a love for sisig - particularly those from Ken Afford and Mang Jimmy's
(x) learned how to pronounce "AEGIS" properly
(x) have used typing rooms at the library
(x) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function - yeah, even before the system was automated.
(x) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries - to "research" in la salle. who am i kidding?! :D
(x) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella
(x) have used consultation hours properly
(x) looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn't break any equipment
(x) visited the Guidance Office - each semester, for my required scholar's interview and once in a while, for test interpretation
(x) visited the Infirmary - for Caladryl, Biogesic, pre-immersion physical exam and to weigh myself :)

got 58 out of 92 items (i hope that my count is accurate). i'd say, not bad. :)

...

more often than not, i refuse to believe that some things can't or wouldn't be. experience has taught me that believing is seeing, that my faith will eventually turn my hopes and dreams into reality.

but there you were. a fateful encounter was all it took to shatter my perspective. where i once was certain, i am now unsure. when before, i would have trusted and hoped, i now hesitate.

how could i believe, when you were a contradiction? you say one thing, when your eyes seem to convey something else. you seem to keep your distance, but once in a while, you do inch my way.

to wait was all that i could do. enveloped in a constant barrage of “what ifs” and “maybes”, i found myself hoping. hoping in one moment, and then doubting at the next. hoping and doubting, hoping and doubting. a vicious stream of conflicting thoughts and feelings that, to give an understatement, left me confused.

fortunately, the long wait did end. and my prize was well worth the wait.

many moons have passed since then. the winds have shifted direction, and things are at a standstill. or are they really? maybe the end has come sometime ago, and i was just too preoccupied to notice.

things are at a standstill. i am at a standstill, left with no choice but to remain this way. (is there really no other way but this?)

for now, i’m going to wait. and hope that in the end, my prize will be well worth the wait.

vanity (un)fair

1 pair of pale beige wacoal stockings = a 165-peso fund depletion

tsk, tsk. the price a lady has to pay to get "moderate support for the stomach and hips" and "a glamorous sheen" on her legs.

sue all the shoemakers who have conspired with nylon makers and made the latter a necessity for foot protection (for people like me who have uber sensitive feet that become tender at the slightest hint of friction). and hang all the nylon makers who can't manage to manufacture panty hose that could last beyond a month.

to all the people who vouched for the durability of wacoal stockings, i swear, i'll hunt and chase you to your graves if the pair i bought does not live up to your promises (that's if i already remember who you are by the time my stockings start having runs or holes).

a sweet message from candy

"Hi grace! A friend of mine just asked a very peculiar but wondrful questn, nd id like to pass it to you.. What do you want me to pray you for?"

i replied, "peace of mind".

how about you? what do you want me to pray you for?