its been two years since that fateful day, & for the most part, i felt every excruciating moment of it. there were days when i shed enough tears to make me believe that it would be the last time that i would. of course, there were sequels. days when things were unbelievably bad, that it seemed as if all my energy has been zapped out of me. on these days, staring blankly at anything took precedence over everything else. i have probably memorized the position of each little glow-in-the-dark star on my white age-stained bedroom ceiling. days when every tiny memory sparked a full-blown, unbidden recollection of what had been, which almost always ended up with me wishing to bring back "those times".
yet, i don't feel any embarrassment in admitting that i had days like that. on the contrary, the memories tug at corners of my lips, & add to the immense gratefulness that i feel in my heart. i could only say, thank you, it's all over.
after 1,051,200 minutes, i find that...
...i'm back to my old, optimistic, bubbly self. i'm seeing the world again through rose-colored glasses. every situation seems to hold much promise of pleasure & learning, every nook & crevice worth exploring.
...i've rediscovered the joy & peace of solitude, when i talk to myself & let the events of my day go on auto-rewind.
...i'm making plans for me, myself & i, & expanding my horizons to include options that wouldn't even have crossed my mind before.
...i'm going out again, & enjoying good conversation. i love being out of the house, just hanging around. i'm reconnecting with the people who have always been there, waiting for me to break my self-imposed hermitage. the very same people who listened intently to me when i was finally ready to talk, were brutally honest with me so it wouldn't even cross my mind to delude myself (or if i was doing it already, i would snap out of it), & openly supported me in the decisions i made. the very same people who i know i could always count on to be there, whatever pickle i get myself in. i only have to holler or squeak.
...i'm singing again - literally & figuratively. can't help it, there's music in my head. happy, wonderful music.
...i've reunited with my old passions - reading, cooking, thinking.
...i'm perfectly happy with who i am.
...i'm actively involved in developing my spirituality, & in trying to discover the beauty of my faith. i acknowledge that without Him, i am nothing. He may send me humongous challenges, but He would never give me more than i can take. & it is by His infinite grace that i have each & every day to look forward to.
...i understand why i had to go through this. it's not a matter of whether i deserved it or not. things happen, albeit painful ones, & we have to find our own ways of dealing with them. what won't kill you would make you stronger.
...it's quite okay for me to go about things on my own pace. i shouldn't compare myself to other people for even if the situations seem exactly the same, we all bring something different to the equation. also, i shouldn't push myself to go beyond what i can manage at a particular point in time. after all, healing is a process.
...while letting go is a sign of weakness, it can also be a testament to one's maturity & strength of character. we have to recognize what it is that we can & should keep, & what it is that we should leave be.
...i feel no anger at him (never did, actually) or at myself for the way things ended. i still believe in my heart that we were lucky to have what we did - a 52-month relationship that was built on friendship, trust & love. a relationship where we let each other be, & supported each other's decisions.
...i've come so far, & i got here on my own.
overall, i am grateful for the things that were, contented with what i have now, & hopeful about the things yet to come. when you've come from below, there's no way to go but up, after all. up, up, up i go! : )
Showing posts with label reminiscing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reminiscing. Show all posts
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
these make it all worthwhile
during college, i was part of gabay, a socially-oriented organization. we tutored grade 6 kids, & support some of them throughout high school. when i was in fourth year, we had a scholar named mark, who was a freshman in ateneo high. pa-graduate na siya this year! this was his letter, which we got through our egroup:
It has already been four years of great Atenean experience being a scholar of Gabay. Having a 100% tuition and fees financial aid, a monthly allowance and a chance to study in a very prestigious school, no doubt, one will get more motivated to deliver more than what is required. More than these things though, Gabay has given me this great opportunity to lay out the foundation for my future. This kind of opportunity rarely comes in our lives and I know by myself that this won’t simply be wasted.
When I was still in Grade six, entering the Ateneo wasn’t on my mind. I just thought of that idea as something impossible to happen, knowing that I wasn’t included in the list of three people who would take the entrance exam. I also thought that my parents wouldn’t send me to this very prestigious school because of financial incapability. But fortunately, Gabay opened up a door of opportunities. They helped me take the exam and they even prepared me for it. I remembered, we arranged all the files needed for the entrance exam only on the day of the deadline. That’s also the time a benefactor came up. Luckily, I passed the exam and the interview. Hopefully, through my efforts in studies, I have been able to demonstrate my greatest gratitude for the kindness and opportunities this organization has been giving me.
Two persons that took a big part on this achievement were Kuya IC, a Gabay member, and Ms. Marcia Gokongwei. Kuya IC was the one responsible for organizing my scholarship documents and files needed for the entrance exam. Also, because high school life in Ateneo is most certainly different from the simple and trouble-free life that I knew in grade school, he guided me and gave pieces of advice for some adjustments. On the other hand, Ms. Marcia Gokongwei is the one sustaining my monthly allowance since first year. She made it easier for my family and me because we don’t have to worry about my daily expenses in school. I believe that with the exclusive assistance of Kuya IC and Ms. Marcia, I was able to cope up the requirements needed during my four years in high school.
Gabay has always been very supportive of me and at the same time, very reliable. They have been providing me tutorial sessions since my first year. I was also given the privilege of entering the Gabay room where a lot of Ates and Kuyas would always help me and would always surround me with an air of encouragement and strength. The brotherhood and sisterhood I learned from this organization made me realized that helping out someone is one best way of expressing my gratitude to the blessings God has been providing me. I realized that Gabay has granted me these precious and valuable presents and there is really nothing more that I can ask for.
I believe that studying here in the Ateneo with the Gabay at my back has brought me in a relentless drive and determination of proving that I am worthy of receiving this honor of being a Gabay scholar. I am very thankful for being the recipient of Gabay scholarship. I’m also thankful for all the knowledge and advices that my Ates and Kuyas have always been providing me. I’m sure this organization will serve as a model to everyone and certainly, God will prolong this organization doing its whole-hearted and remarkable service so that many people will also get the same opportunities that have been granted to me.
Hopefully, if God will let me in the Ateneo College, undeniably, I will support this organization to the best of my capabilities and be very active so that I can help it become more beneficial than already it is. The exceptional help and provisions of this whole organization continue to encourage me to surpass all the struggles and uncertainties that come along my way of reaching my dreams. Thank you very much and God Bless you all and your families.
Sincerely Yours,
Joseph Mark H. Jimenez
kung matiyaga ka at binasa mo ito nang buo, maiintindihan mo kung bakit naluha ako dito. sobrang affirming. it reminded me that what we busied ourselves with in the organization really bore fruit. mas natuwa pa ako nung nalaman kong nakapasa si mark sa ateneo, BS ECE ang course. wow.
thank you Lord! : )
last december 19, our company hosted a jollibee kiddie party for the kids of caritas manila. i was part of the team that organized it. according to ma'am kristine, there were two kids who really wanted to touch jollibee, but were too shy to do it along with the other kids. kaya huli na silang lumapit. here's their pic, taken by sir noli, our corporate affairs head:
pagod na pagod kami after the party, but things like this push all the weariness away.
so, kailan at saan ang sunod na outreach?! ; )
It has already been four years of great Atenean experience being a scholar of Gabay. Having a 100% tuition and fees financial aid, a monthly allowance and a chance to study in a very prestigious school, no doubt, one will get more motivated to deliver more than what is required. More than these things though, Gabay has given me this great opportunity to lay out the foundation for my future. This kind of opportunity rarely comes in our lives and I know by myself that this won’t simply be wasted.
When I was still in Grade six, entering the Ateneo wasn’t on my mind. I just thought of that idea as something impossible to happen, knowing that I wasn’t included in the list of three people who would take the entrance exam. I also thought that my parents wouldn’t send me to this very prestigious school because of financial incapability. But fortunately, Gabay opened up a door of opportunities. They helped me take the exam and they even prepared me for it. I remembered, we arranged all the files needed for the entrance exam only on the day of the deadline. That’s also the time a benefactor came up. Luckily, I passed the exam and the interview. Hopefully, through my efforts in studies, I have been able to demonstrate my greatest gratitude for the kindness and opportunities this organization has been giving me.
Two persons that took a big part on this achievement were Kuya IC, a Gabay member, and Ms. Marcia Gokongwei. Kuya IC was the one responsible for organizing my scholarship documents and files needed for the entrance exam. Also, because high school life in Ateneo is most certainly different from the simple and trouble-free life that I knew in grade school, he guided me and gave pieces of advice for some adjustments. On the other hand, Ms. Marcia Gokongwei is the one sustaining my monthly allowance since first year. She made it easier for my family and me because we don’t have to worry about my daily expenses in school. I believe that with the exclusive assistance of Kuya IC and Ms. Marcia, I was able to cope up the requirements needed during my four years in high school.
Gabay has always been very supportive of me and at the same time, very reliable. They have been providing me tutorial sessions since my first year. I was also given the privilege of entering the Gabay room where a lot of Ates and Kuyas would always help me and would always surround me with an air of encouragement and strength. The brotherhood and sisterhood I learned from this organization made me realized that helping out someone is one best way of expressing my gratitude to the blessings God has been providing me. I realized that Gabay has granted me these precious and valuable presents and there is really nothing more that I can ask for.
I believe that studying here in the Ateneo with the Gabay at my back has brought me in a relentless drive and determination of proving that I am worthy of receiving this honor of being a Gabay scholar. I am very thankful for being the recipient of Gabay scholarship. I’m also thankful for all the knowledge and advices that my Ates and Kuyas have always been providing me. I’m sure this organization will serve as a model to everyone and certainly, God will prolong this organization doing its whole-hearted and remarkable service so that many people will also get the same opportunities that have been granted to me.
Hopefully, if God will let me in the Ateneo College, undeniably, I will support this organization to the best of my capabilities and be very active so that I can help it become more beneficial than already it is. The exceptional help and provisions of this whole organization continue to encourage me to surpass all the struggles and uncertainties that come along my way of reaching my dreams. Thank you very much and God Bless you all and your families.
Sincerely Yours,
Joseph Mark H. Jimenez
kung matiyaga ka at binasa mo ito nang buo, maiintindihan mo kung bakit naluha ako dito. sobrang affirming. it reminded me that what we busied ourselves with in the organization really bore fruit. mas natuwa pa ako nung nalaman kong nakapasa si mark sa ateneo, BS ECE ang course. wow.
thank you Lord! : )
= = = = = = = = = =
last december 19, our company hosted a jollibee kiddie party for the kids of caritas manila. i was part of the team that organized it. according to ma'am kristine, there were two kids who really wanted to touch jollibee, but were too shy to do it along with the other kids. kaya huli na silang lumapit. here's their pic, taken by sir noli, our corporate affairs head:
pagod na pagod kami after the party, but things like this push all the weariness away.
so, kailan at saan ang sunod na outreach?! ; )
Monday, September 24, 2007
grace & papu at work
i am currently handling the development of our annual report, & papu's agency is bidding. here are snippets of our emails:
Hi Grace!
May we go there to present the Annual Report Concept tomorrow at 3pm? Please advise.
Thanks,
Papu
Yes, 3pm is okay with us.
Thanks, Papu.
Oki oki.
Wow we are so formal. Huwaw. Hahahaha. So how are you my darling bee?
Hi Grace!
Please see my comments below, in pink. Hope everything is clarified. Please advise if there are other concerns.
Thanks!
Papu
-----Original Message-----
From: Grace Roselle D. Sarmiento
Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2007 11:04 AM
To: Papu Abjelina
Subject: Re: Annual Report Quote
Good morning, Papu!
Thank you for the quotation. I have to tell you though, that your quote is way above the quote of the other four agencies that presented. I'm afraid that we would not be able to consider your proposal, if the cost remains such. Would it be possible for you to send us a revised quote within the day, so that we could decide? We need it ASAP, as the paper is due tomorrow.
Just some clarifications on the current quote:
1. Photography - Does the P100K already take into consideration that many shots will probably have to be done outdoors? Our assumption here is that we will have photos similar to the one you used for the Financial Scoreboard. How many photos are included in the P100K? Does this already include the make-up artist?
The typical price per set-up is around 8 to 10,000, depending on the shots that we'll be taking. Our photos will mostly be shot indoors, with a few shots outdoors (much like We can factor in the make-up artist with the cost.
2. Final Artwork - How did you arrive at the FA cost computation?
As per our telecon, Final Artwork means the material ready for release. We have a specific rate that is:
a) Size of the file: 100php per megabyte of the file. (in this case it is 20 MB per page, with 90 pages)
b) Computer time: 2700 php per hour (in this case around 22 hours for the entire thing)
Please note that this rate that we are giving is standard supplier rate, as this is done by a third party.
3. Printing - Could you send us a quote for perfect binding instead (the committee was not too keen on the ring bind)? Also, would the unit cost remain the same whether we print 700 or 900 copies?
Re: perfect binding, as per our printer, the cost would still remain the same whether or not we use the ring bind. The unit cost is stilll the same whether we print 700 or 900 php.
As per our conversation, however, we can still package the cost as we can flexible with the package. If possible, let us know how you would like us to package the cost, to fit everything into your budget. We're open to adjustments with regards to the costs. Hope you can advise.
Thanks!
Papu
Hi, Papu.
Explanations noted. I'm afraid that I can't give you a budget or a price range, as that would be unfair to the other agencies. Will just wait for your new quotation.
Thanks. : )
Hi Grace,
Kindly see the attached revised quotation for your perusal. Please note that we've made the printing costs separate from our costs, as that is a third party. We've adjusted the cost items that will be credited to ___ perse. However, please note that we will still look for a printer that will print within the budget. We'll help find suppliers who will give lower quotations.
Please do let us know if the attached is alright with you.
Thanks and we hope to work with you soon!
Good afternoon, Papu!
We appreciate the adjustments you made in the cost. We also appreciate your effort in looking for a cheaper printer. In line with this, could we ask you to quote the printing cost based on the following specs?
Size: A4
Paper Stock: Cover - C2S # 220
Inside - Matte # 120
Color: Full
Cover Finish: Matte lamination with spot UV
Binding: Perfect Binding
We have also asked the other agencies to quote using the above specs, so that we could compare the proposals better.
Hope to hear from you soon. Thank you.
Bago ko sagutin ng seryoso:
Who would have known that we'd go from you consoling me with BTS after theo orals to THIS? kulang nalang gamitan kita ng "AS PER OUR LAST EMAIL"
Hehehe. HEHEHEH!!!
Love,
papu
Oo nga, e. Who would have known? : )
Hi Grace!
May we go there to present the Annual Report Concept tomorrow at 3pm? Please advise.
Thanks,
Papu
Yes, 3pm is okay with us.
Thanks, Papu.
Oki oki.
Wow we are so formal. Huwaw. Hahahaha. So how are you my darling bee?
= = = = = = = = = =
Hi Grace!
Please see my comments below, in pink. Hope everything is clarified. Please advise if there are other concerns.
Thanks!
Papu
-----Original Message-----
From: Grace Roselle D. Sarmiento
Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2007 11:04 AM
To: Papu Abjelina
Subject: Re: Annual Report Quote
Good morning, Papu!
Thank you for the quotation. I have to tell you though, that your quote is way above the quote of the other four agencies that presented. I'm afraid that we would not be able to consider your proposal, if the cost remains such. Would it be possible for you to send us a revised quote within the day, so that we could decide? We need it ASAP, as the paper is due tomorrow.
Just some clarifications on the current quote:
1. Photography - Does the P100K already take into consideration that many shots will probably have to be done outdoors? Our assumption here is that we will have photos similar to the one you used for the Financial Scoreboard. How many photos are included in the P100K? Does this already include the make-up artist?
The typical price per set-up is around 8 to 10,000, depending on the shots that we'll be taking. Our photos will mostly be shot indoors, with a few shots outdoors (much like We can factor in the make-up artist with the cost.
2. Final Artwork - How did you arrive at the FA cost computation?
As per our telecon, Final Artwork means the material ready for release. We have a specific rate that is:
a) Size of the file: 100php per megabyte of the file. (in this case it is 20 MB per page, with 90 pages)
b) Computer time: 2700 php per hour (in this case around 22 hours for the entire thing)
Please note that this rate that we are giving is standard supplier rate, as this is done by a third party.
3. Printing - Could you send us a quote for perfect binding instead (the committee was not too keen on the ring bind)? Also, would the unit cost remain the same whether we print 700 or 900 copies?
Re: perfect binding, as per our printer, the cost would still remain the same whether or not we use the ring bind. The unit cost is stilll the same whether we print 700 or 900 php.
As per our conversation, however, we can still package the cost as we can flexible with the package. If possible, let us know how you would like us to package the cost, to fit everything into your budget. We're open to adjustments with regards to the costs. Hope you can advise.
Thanks!
Papu
Hi, Papu.
Explanations noted. I'm afraid that I can't give you a budget or a price range, as that would be unfair to the other agencies. Will just wait for your new quotation.
Thanks. : )
Hi Grace,
Kindly see the attached revised quotation for your perusal. Please note that we've made the printing costs separate from our costs, as that is a third party. We've adjusted the cost items that will be credited to ___ perse. However, please note that we will still look for a printer that will print within the budget. We'll help find suppliers who will give lower quotations.
Please do let us know if the attached is alright with you.
Thanks and we hope to work with you soon!
Good afternoon, Papu!
We appreciate the adjustments you made in the cost. We also appreciate your effort in looking for a cheaper printer. In line with this, could we ask you to quote the printing cost based on the following specs?
Size: A4
Paper Stock: Cover - C2S # 220
Inside - Matte # 120
Color: Full
Cover Finish: Matte lamination with spot UV
Binding: Perfect Binding
We have also asked the other agencies to quote using the above specs, so that we could compare the proposals better.
Hope to hear from you soon. Thank you.
Bago ko sagutin ng seryoso:
Who would have known that we'd go from you consoling me with BTS after theo orals to THIS? kulang nalang gamitan kita ng "AS PER OUR LAST EMAIL"
Hehehe. HEHEHEH!!!
Love,
papu
Oo nga, e. Who would have known? : )
Saturday, September 08, 2007
kita-kits sa gateway : )
matagal ko nang kinukulit ang thesis mate kong si badz, bago pa ang aug.28 niyang birthday: kailan ka manlilibre? siyempre, ang kapal ko! to think na hindi ako nanlibre nung may. hehe! ; ) well, kumagat siya. september raw. nung tuesday, actually. eto nga lang ang masaya: sa gateway raw. GATEWAY?! sa tingin niya, yun daw kasi ang gitna naming tatlo nina candy. teka, paano naging gitna ng malabon, manila at cavite ang cubao? oh, well. libre naman. : )
so straight from my roxas boulevard office, i took a jeep, LRT & MRT to get to gateway. when i got there already, grabe, memories. hindi naman ako malimit doon nung college kasi third or fourth year na ako nung natapos yun pero familiar pa rin. tanda ko kasi na palatandaan na turo sa akin ni guiller yung mga watson's. wala lang.
sa food court kami, para maraming choices. nauna na si candy, kaya hinanap ko siya. but before i saw her, look who i saw:
si de-anne, friend from gabay & the SOA EB!
siyempre, tuloy ang paghahanap kay candy. nagulat ako nung nakita ko siya kasi:
nagpakulay siya ng buhok! in fairness, bagay sa kanya kasi maputi naman siya. dahil forever na late si badz, chika muna kami. wala na pala siya sa st. bridget - sa ateneo na siya, formator sa office of social concern & involvement. right now, she's organizing the outreach program to the introduction to ateneo culture class. mentor din siya sa eliazo hall (the dorm for females). cool! pag nag-aral na siya ulit next ng counseling next sem, hindi na siya mahihirapan pumasok. hehe. naikwento ko naman na wala na ako sa HR. there were also the usual love life-related questions. wala naman akong bagong maikwento. hehe! ayun.
past 8 na ata dumating yung manlilibre, grabe! nagtago kami ni candy para hindi niya kami makita agad. hehe! tawa kami nang tawa kasi kitang-kita namin si badz, pero hindi niya kami makita. hehe, para kaming bata. : D
well, nakita rin niya kami kasi naka-pink si candy. buo na uli ang HAS (hernandez, abad, sarmiento - the name of our thesis group)! at kainan na!
habang kumakain, kwentuhan to the max. badz told us about his work. siyempre, inevitable na balikan naming tatlo yung college days namin. after all, lagi kaming magkasama sa group work. binalikan namin yung father dacanay/theology 131 days namin - mga panahong sobrang tense kami pag malapit na ang 9 ng gabi, kasi deadline yun ng pagpasa ng group reflection paper. grabeng stress yun, to think na 5% lang yun ng final grade. nakakaloka pa kasi inuna pa namin yung reflection paper kaysa report namin sa cognitive psych, to think na 20% yun ng grade. grabe.
badz & i even reminisced on our eddie boy calasanz/philo 103 days. candy took another teacher, kaya kinuwentuhan na lang namin siya. kung terror si dacanay, mas terror si calasanz. grabe, to the nth level. but on second thought, terror ba si calasanz mismo, o yung mga grades lang na binibigay niya? hehe! kasi naman, highest grade sa ateneo ang 4, passing ay 1. alam mo ba kung ano ang nakuha ko sa first long test namin kay calasanz? 0.5! o di ba, half lang ng passing grade. but it's not too bad when you consider that other people got 0.1 or 0.2 or plain zero. to think na open book ang exam, pwede kang mag-discuss with classmates, umuwi sa bahay, gumamit ng computer at kung ano-ano pa, basta maipasa mo yung essay mo by 12 midnight. amazing.
at some point, i asked for dessert. ayaw na manlibre ni badz, kaya ako na lang para hindi na ako manlibre next time. hehe! i got three servings of halo-halo from razon's (grabe ang patong. 68 sa gateway, to think na aroung 40-50 lang sa guagua. hehe.).
ayun, kuwentuhan pa ulit nang todo. november last year pa kasi kaming huling nagkita. past 10 na nung umalis kami. kung hindi lang malayo ang bundok ko, hindi ako magyayayang umalis.
past 12 na ako nakarating sa bahay. nakakatawa kasi hindi pala nila alam na wala pa ako. wehehe.
nakakapagod, grabe. it took tremendous effort to keep my eyes open during the whole trip. but it was worth it. sa uulitin, friends. : )
so straight from my roxas boulevard office, i took a jeep, LRT & MRT to get to gateway. when i got there already, grabe, memories. hindi naman ako malimit doon nung college kasi third or fourth year na ako nung natapos yun pero familiar pa rin. tanda ko kasi na palatandaan na turo sa akin ni guiller yung mga watson's. wala lang.
sa food court kami, para maraming choices. nauna na si candy, kaya hinanap ko siya. but before i saw her, look who i saw:
si de-anne, friend from gabay & the SOA EB!
siyempre, tuloy ang paghahanap kay candy. nagulat ako nung nakita ko siya kasi:
nagpakulay siya ng buhok! in fairness, bagay sa kanya kasi maputi naman siya. dahil forever na late si badz, chika muna kami. wala na pala siya sa st. bridget - sa ateneo na siya, formator sa office of social concern & involvement. right now, she's organizing the outreach program to the introduction to ateneo culture class. mentor din siya sa eliazo hall (the dorm for females). cool! pag nag-aral na siya ulit next ng counseling next sem, hindi na siya mahihirapan pumasok. hehe. naikwento ko naman na wala na ako sa HR. there were also the usual love life-related questions. wala naman akong bagong maikwento. hehe! ayun.
past 8 na ata dumating yung manlilibre, grabe! nagtago kami ni candy para hindi niya kami makita agad. hehe! tawa kami nang tawa kasi kitang-kita namin si badz, pero hindi niya kami makita. hehe, para kaming bata. : D
well, nakita rin niya kami kasi naka-pink si candy. buo na uli ang HAS (hernandez, abad, sarmiento - the name of our thesis group)! at kainan na!
food from jumbo japs.
crunchy tuna maki. even after this variation on the ever-popular maki, i don't think i'm ever going to like maki/sushi.
habang kumakain, kwentuhan to the max. badz told us about his work. siyempre, inevitable na balikan naming tatlo yung college days namin. after all, lagi kaming magkasama sa group work. binalikan namin yung father dacanay/theology 131 days namin - mga panahong sobrang tense kami pag malapit na ang 9 ng gabi, kasi deadline yun ng pagpasa ng group reflection paper. grabeng stress yun, to think na 5% lang yun ng final grade. nakakaloka pa kasi inuna pa namin yung reflection paper kaysa report namin sa cognitive psych, to think na 20% yun ng grade. grabe.
badz & i even reminisced on our eddie boy calasanz/philo 103 days. candy took another teacher, kaya kinuwentuhan na lang namin siya. kung terror si dacanay, mas terror si calasanz. grabe, to the nth level. but on second thought, terror ba si calasanz mismo, o yung mga grades lang na binibigay niya? hehe! kasi naman, highest grade sa ateneo ang 4, passing ay 1. alam mo ba kung ano ang nakuha ko sa first long test namin kay calasanz? 0.5! o di ba, half lang ng passing grade. but it's not too bad when you consider that other people got 0.1 or 0.2 or plain zero. to think na open book ang exam, pwede kang mag-discuss with classmates, umuwi sa bahay, gumamit ng computer at kung ano-ano pa, basta maipasa mo yung essay mo by 12 midnight. amazing.
at some point, i asked for dessert. ayaw na manlibre ni badz, kaya ako na lang para hindi na ako manlibre next time. hehe! i got three servings of halo-halo from razon's (grabe ang patong. 68 sa gateway, to think na aroung 40-50 lang sa guagua. hehe.).
ayun, kuwentuhan pa ulit nang todo. november last year pa kasi kaming huling nagkita. past 10 na nung umalis kami. kung hindi lang malayo ang bundok ko, hindi ako magyayayang umalis.
past 12 na ako nakarating sa bahay. nakakatawa kasi hindi pala nila alam na wala pa ako. wehehe.
nakakapagod, grabe. it took tremendous effort to keep my eyes open during the whole trip. but it was worth it. sa uulitin, friends. : )
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
...
since last night, i have been rereading my previous blog entries. going back a couple of months, i couldn't help but miss what we used to have.
i know that it's been 9 months since we broke up. i have not forgotten that my friends have been pushing me to put more effort into getting over him, & i realize the wisdom of their counsel. i know that they not only mean well; they are also right. after all, i can't wallow in misery forever.
yes, i know that having loved & lost does not justify curling into a fetal position & wishing that the world would just go away & leave me alone in my despair. i know that i am not the only one who has gone through this, & that so many people before me have survived. i am also quite aware that at some point, the piercing pain would subside into a dull ache, & happy memories would begin to bring smiles once more, not by-products of my lachrymal glands. & i know that this phase is not easy. wow, that's probably the understatement of a lifetime.
i know that this is not easy because i am in this. i'm feeling the immense pain that comes with losing someone i love deeply. once in a while, i am hounded by "what if...?" questions. when i pass by places that have been "ours" at one point or another, i am flooded by memories of what used to be. & almost everytime that happens, i can't help but wish that i still had him with me.
a friend of mine said, "you will always go back to square one". how painful & true. did i already say painful? think about it. you put all your energy into trying to forget that he exists, and/or into trying to accept that what you had is gone. when something new, sad, happy, exciting, or boring happens to you, you make a conscious effort not to text or call him or to give him a blow-by-blow account of your life as it is at that moment. you may even let yourself be dragged to gimmicks that well-meaning friends have set up for you, though you are in "my life sucks & nothing can change that" mode.
after some time of pretending that you're okay, you realize that you can do without a big chunk of the pretending. surprise, surprise, you've made progress! there's significantly less pain in your chest, you feel a lot lighter, & the spring is back in your step. high five! pat on the back! *hug* your baby steps have actually brought you somewhere.
with this superb realization comes little flutters of panic. oh no, i'm actually starting to get over him! without meaning to, you find yourself singing along to lea salonga's, "let the pain remain" (on the count of three, one, two, three: let the pain remain forever in my heart / for every drop of it is one more moment spent with you / i'll let the pain / bring in all the rain / if that's the only way / if there's no other way to be with you again).
what did my friend say again? square one. back to where it all began.
i know that it's been 9 months since we broke up. i have not forgotten that my friends have been pushing me to put more effort into getting over him, & i realize the wisdom of their counsel. i know that they not only mean well; they are also right. after all, i can't wallow in misery forever.
yes, i know that having loved & lost does not justify curling into a fetal position & wishing that the world would just go away & leave me alone in my despair. i know that i am not the only one who has gone through this, & that so many people before me have survived. i am also quite aware that at some point, the piercing pain would subside into a dull ache, & happy memories would begin to bring smiles once more, not by-products of my lachrymal glands. & i know that this phase is not easy. wow, that's probably the understatement of a lifetime.
i know that this is not easy because i am in this. i'm feeling the immense pain that comes with losing someone i love deeply. once in a while, i am hounded by "what if...?" questions. when i pass by places that have been "ours" at one point or another, i am flooded by memories of what used to be. & almost everytime that happens, i can't help but wish that i still had him with me.
a friend of mine said, "you will always go back to square one". how painful & true. did i already say painful? think about it. you put all your energy into trying to forget that he exists, and/or into trying to accept that what you had is gone. when something new, sad, happy, exciting, or boring happens to you, you make a conscious effort not to text or call him or to give him a blow-by-blow account of your life as it is at that moment. you may even let yourself be dragged to gimmicks that well-meaning friends have set up for you, though you are in "my life sucks & nothing can change that" mode.
after some time of pretending that you're okay, you realize that you can do without a big chunk of the pretending. surprise, surprise, you've made progress! there's significantly less pain in your chest, you feel a lot lighter, & the spring is back in your step. high five! pat on the back! *hug* your baby steps have actually brought you somewhere.
with this superb realization comes little flutters of panic. oh no, i'm actually starting to get over him! without meaning to, you find yourself singing along to lea salonga's, "let the pain remain" (on the count of three, one, two, three: let the pain remain forever in my heart / for every drop of it is one more moment spent with you / i'll let the pain / bring in all the rain / if that's the only way / if there's no other way to be with you again).
what did my friend say again? square one. back to where it all began.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
two ateneo trysts in one week
despite the fact that i reside in the far flung hills of cavite, i found myself in ateneo twice this week. the first time was on thursday, the second time was today.
last thursday, i went on undertime. ako, nag-undertime?! hehe! it was actually supposed to be a half-day vacation leave, but things kept coming up, so i was able to log out only after three. i was going to meet candy & badz (my thesismates) in mcdo katipunan, a date that was organized by badz a week ago as a result of my incessant prodding (when i was still under the delusion that i will have my five-day mandatory vacation leave from nov. 20 to 24). paano ba naman, graduation pa kami huling nagkita-kita! it was definitely high time for a reunion.
but instead of walking to mcdo, i took a trike to ateneo. nabasa ko kasing may AMA mall na. pero as usual, traffic sa loob ng campus.
but before i could even find out where the AMA mall was, i saw the eagles of hope bazaar in front of cervini & eliazo.
there were so many cute stuff!
while checking out the merchandise, i called both candy & badz. after a couple of tries, i finally reached badz. as it turns out, both he & candy were already in mcdo. i told them that i wanted to shop for a while.
maybe 20 minutes later, i called badz again. sinabi kong hindi pa ako tapos mamili. buti na lang, siya na ang nag-volunteer ng option na sila na ni candy ang pupunta sa school.
obvious bang excited ako? i was walking towards them, & my arm was moving. nagmukha tuloy apparition sina candy at badz. hehe. shopping resumed.
i ended up buying two beaded ID laces, two beaded bookmarks, a pack of big paper clips, & a cloth doll. we were hungry, so we decided to eat in....(drumroll please).....the caf! grabe, graduate na kami at lahat, caf pa rin! at least, iba na ang color scheme. yellow na ang walls, unlike dati na plain white. at least, warm na ang ambiance ngayon.
pero in fairness, marami na akong miss na food sa caf. chicken strips, pasta with pesto, chicken wrap, meat sauce spaghetti, & green mint tea, to name a few. i settled on a tuna casserole from healthy kitchen & a glass of tang from beef teriyaki.
needless to say, even while eating, it didn't take much to get us to talk. mahigit 1 year ba naman kaming hindi magkita! nabulunan si candy sa isa sa mga balita ko.
si badz naman, dati pang alam, so wala lang.
after finishing my tuna casserole (na 50 pesos na ngayon, 40 lang ata dati), i decided to get a chicken wrap. nakakainggit kasi yung kinakain ni candy, e. unfortunately, ubos na. i ended up buying a tortilla wrap, which i asked badz to finish.
after eating, we went back to the bazaar to get the ID laces that i had ordered (it took a while because i asked for one to be customized). then, we walked to gate 3. on the way, guess who saw me? our former SOA president, ginger!
nakakatawa kasi nagmamaneho siya palabas ng parking ng xavier nung nakita niya ako. ako naman, talagang kumuha pa ng picture! imagine us in a flurry of hi's & goodbye's, right in the middle of a driveway. of course, ginj had to leave immediately. nagpromise ako na magkikita kami ulit. shocks, kailangan ko nang mag-organize ng lakad ng EB! good luck na lang sa akin.
tuloy ang paglalakad. at some point, badz gave this back to me:
si candy naman, binigay yung Christmas gifts niya sa amin last year. mine turned out to be a bottle of lacoste perfume - touch of pink. ayan, shining shimmering splendid pa.
while walking, nagbibiro si badz na kung hindi pa gawa yung overpass (sabi ko kasi, gawa na) sa tapat ng gate 3, bubuhatin ko raw sila ni candy papuntang katipunan. buti na lang, gawa na. wala pa yun nung nag-aaral pa kami! i tried to take pictures of it, but it was too dark to be visible in a picture.
we opted to go to cello's for dessert.
chika na naman, siyempre. ayan, nakikinig talaga ako kay badz.
at some point, i requested candy to take a pic of me when i'm not looking. para naman may kuha man lang ako, no!
well, masaya akong nakausap ko ulit sila. lalo akong masaya para kay candy. she's quite happy & contented now. also, she has healed already. ayun, naulanan tuloy ako ng mga payo. hehe! may matching reading list pa:
1. i kissed dating goodbye by joshua harris - done! 1st year pa.
2. boy meets girl by joshua harris - same as above.
3. when God writes your love story by eric lesley
4. passion & purity by elisabeth elliot
5. cure for the common life by max lucado
sige na po, counselor candy, susundin ko ang payo mo. :)
we had to leave at 8:30 to make it to the LRT stations in time. pagdating naman doon, nakababagot mag-antay. 7 minutes pa, e. bawal daw kumuha ng picture sa loob ng station, but who cares? wala namang nagbabantay. hehe...
later naman, sa loob ng LRT, picture ulit. wow badz, ang ganda ng kuha mo! kitang-kita tayong lahat, lalo ka na. harhar.
candy went ahead of us. badz & i were left, as we were both getting off at the recto station. buti na lang, sinamahan ako ni badz papunta sa kabilang LRT. after all, it's been a long time since sumakay ako dun. i mentioned to badz na college graduation pa ni bene yun.
naaliw ako kasi naaalala pa ni badz yung araw na yun. sobrang insistent ko raw na huwag muna kami mag-thesis meeting. sabi ko raw, any day but that day. tapos, nakabihis daw ako that day. rather, iba raw ang bihis ko. siyempre - gray skirt, yellow knitted blouse, stockings, black shoes with heels. grabe, parang ang tagal na nung araw na yun. bittersweet memories.
anyway, we went our separate ways. i found myself at the end of the last LRT car. even though my arm was still, sobrang shaky naman nung ride. as in bounce galore.
ayun, i got down at the buendia station & went home. nakakapagod, pero ang saya. nakakamiss talaga sila. ang sarap ng feeling kasi ang tagal naming magkasama nung college. yung tipong kilala na namin ang isa't isa, kaya hindi kami hirap magtrabaho nang magkakasama. tsaka ang daling mag-share.
ngayon naman, i went to a seminar with ate ava & mark. guess who i met in aurora boulevard? ivan reyes!
shocks, 2 years na kaming hindi nagkikita. nakakatawa kasi pareho kaming tumatawid to the opposite sides nung nagkita kami. ayun, nagchikahan muna kami sa island sa gitna ng aurora. i wanted to take him with me, but he had a date with kristine, his girlfriend. sayang. at least, we saw each other again.
ayun, i went to ateneo already. after the seminar, mark, liza, elmer & i walked to the direction of gate 3. nakailaw na yung lights sa bel field! sayang, wala nang batt yung digicam na hiniram ko kay sarah. anyway, here's how it looked like last year (or was this two years ago?), in a pic taken by badz:
ang ganda, promise. though parang konti lang yung lights this year...siguro, sa december pa nila sisindihan lahat. i'll be back for the simbang gabi then. : )
the 3 of them went ahead. ako naman, i passed by the eagles of hope bazaar again, as pinky wanted me to buy her a doll, too. i also bought two ID laces, one each for ma'am jo & ma'am ting (nagandahan kasi sila sa ID lace ko, hehe).
i had to wait for the doll i wanted to be delivered at 8 o'clock. it was only seven, so i decided to watch the ongoing ateneo idol competition. jay-r, ekai & kuya rolls, fellow gabayanos, were also there. so was boy abunda! he was a judge in the competition. atenista rin siya, e. some even say na gabayano rin. panalo yung ibang comments niya:
"in your youth, you're not just bold, you're hot."
"mas magaling kang kumanta kay pacquiao."
haha! anyway, i left as soon as the competition was over. jay-r, ekai & i walked to gate 3. they invited me to the Christmas party. tapos sabi ni ekai, parang hindi raw ako tumatanda. sabi ko, tumataba naman. jay-r agreed, saying na mukhang hiyang ako sa work kasi nga tumataba ako. sabi ko, stress eater kasi ako, e. oh, well.
naghiwalay na kami sa aurora. i went to cubao, they went to marikina.
the day ended very well for me. i was tired, but i felt very peaceful inside. basta, ang sarap ng feeling. thank you for such a great day, Lord.
last thursday, i went on undertime. ako, nag-undertime?! hehe! it was actually supposed to be a half-day vacation leave, but things kept coming up, so i was able to log out only after three. i was going to meet candy & badz (my thesismates) in mcdo katipunan, a date that was organized by badz a week ago as a result of my incessant prodding (when i was still under the delusion that i will have my five-day mandatory vacation leave from nov. 20 to 24). paano ba naman, graduation pa kami huling nagkita-kita! it was definitely high time for a reunion.
but instead of walking to mcdo, i took a trike to ateneo. nabasa ko kasing may AMA mall na. pero as usual, traffic sa loob ng campus.
but before i could even find out where the AMA mall was, i saw the eagles of hope bazaar in front of cervini & eliazo.
there were so many cute stuff!
while checking out the merchandise, i called both candy & badz. after a couple of tries, i finally reached badz. as it turns out, both he & candy were already in mcdo. i told them that i wanted to shop for a while.
maybe 20 minutes later, i called badz again. sinabi kong hindi pa ako tapos mamili. buti na lang, siya na ang nag-volunteer ng option na sila na ni candy ang pupunta sa school.
obvious bang excited ako? i was walking towards them, & my arm was moving. nagmukha tuloy apparition sina candy at badz. hehe. shopping resumed.
i ended up buying two beaded ID laces, two beaded bookmarks, a pack of big paper clips, & a cloth doll. we were hungry, so we decided to eat in....(drumroll please).....the caf! grabe, graduate na kami at lahat, caf pa rin! at least, iba na ang color scheme. yellow na ang walls, unlike dati na plain white. at least, warm na ang ambiance ngayon.
pero in fairness, marami na akong miss na food sa caf. chicken strips, pasta with pesto, chicken wrap, meat sauce spaghetti, & green mint tea, to name a few. i settled on a tuna casserole from healthy kitchen & a glass of tang from beef teriyaki.
needless to say, even while eating, it didn't take much to get us to talk. mahigit 1 year ba naman kaming hindi magkita! nabulunan si candy sa isa sa mga balita ko.
si badz naman, dati pang alam, so wala lang.
after finishing my tuna casserole (na 50 pesos na ngayon, 40 lang ata dati), i decided to get a chicken wrap. nakakainggit kasi yung kinakain ni candy, e. unfortunately, ubos na. i ended up buying a tortilla wrap, which i asked badz to finish.
after eating, we went back to the bazaar to get the ID laces that i had ordered (it took a while because i asked for one to be customized). then, we walked to gate 3. on the way, guess who saw me? our former SOA president, ginger!
nakakatawa kasi nagmamaneho siya palabas ng parking ng xavier nung nakita niya ako. ako naman, talagang kumuha pa ng picture! imagine us in a flurry of hi's & goodbye's, right in the middle of a driveway. of course, ginj had to leave immediately. nagpromise ako na magkikita kami ulit. shocks, kailangan ko nang mag-organize ng lakad ng EB! good luck na lang sa akin.
tuloy ang paglalakad. at some point, badz gave this back to me:
si candy naman, binigay yung Christmas gifts niya sa amin last year. mine turned out to be a bottle of lacoste perfume - touch of pink. ayan, shining shimmering splendid pa.
while walking, nagbibiro si badz na kung hindi pa gawa yung overpass (sabi ko kasi, gawa na) sa tapat ng gate 3, bubuhatin ko raw sila ni candy papuntang katipunan. buti na lang, gawa na. wala pa yun nung nag-aaral pa kami! i tried to take pictures of it, but it was too dark to be visible in a picture.
we opted to go to cello's for dessert.
chika na naman, siyempre. ayan, nakikinig talaga ako kay badz.
at some point, i requested candy to take a pic of me when i'm not looking. para naman may kuha man lang ako, no!
well, masaya akong nakausap ko ulit sila. lalo akong masaya para kay candy. she's quite happy & contented now. also, she has healed already. ayun, naulanan tuloy ako ng mga payo. hehe! may matching reading list pa:
1. i kissed dating goodbye by joshua harris - done! 1st year pa.
2. boy meets girl by joshua harris - same as above.
3. when God writes your love story by eric lesley
4. passion & purity by elisabeth elliot
5. cure for the common life by max lucado
sige na po, counselor candy, susundin ko ang payo mo. :)
we had to leave at 8:30 to make it to the LRT stations in time. pagdating naman doon, nakababagot mag-antay. 7 minutes pa, e. bawal daw kumuha ng picture sa loob ng station, but who cares? wala namang nagbabantay. hehe...
later naman, sa loob ng LRT, picture ulit. wow badz, ang ganda ng kuha mo! kitang-kita tayong lahat, lalo ka na. harhar.
candy went ahead of us. badz & i were left, as we were both getting off at the recto station. buti na lang, sinamahan ako ni badz papunta sa kabilang LRT. after all, it's been a long time since sumakay ako dun. i mentioned to badz na college graduation pa ni bene yun.
naaliw ako kasi naaalala pa ni badz yung araw na yun. sobrang insistent ko raw na huwag muna kami mag-thesis meeting. sabi ko raw, any day but that day. tapos, nakabihis daw ako that day. rather, iba raw ang bihis ko. siyempre - gray skirt, yellow knitted blouse, stockings, black shoes with heels. grabe, parang ang tagal na nung araw na yun. bittersweet memories.
anyway, we went our separate ways. i found myself at the end of the last LRT car. even though my arm was still, sobrang shaky naman nung ride. as in bounce galore.
ayun, i got down at the buendia station & went home. nakakapagod, pero ang saya. nakakamiss talaga sila. ang sarap ng feeling kasi ang tagal naming magkasama nung college. yung tipong kilala na namin ang isa't isa, kaya hindi kami hirap magtrabaho nang magkakasama. tsaka ang daling mag-share.
ngayon naman, i went to a seminar with ate ava & mark. guess who i met in aurora boulevard? ivan reyes!
shocks, 2 years na kaming hindi nagkikita. nakakatawa kasi pareho kaming tumatawid to the opposite sides nung nagkita kami. ayun, nagchikahan muna kami sa island sa gitna ng aurora. i wanted to take him with me, but he had a date with kristine, his girlfriend. sayang. at least, we saw each other again.
ayun, i went to ateneo already. after the seminar, mark, liza, elmer & i walked to the direction of gate 3. nakailaw na yung lights sa bel field! sayang, wala nang batt yung digicam na hiniram ko kay sarah. anyway, here's how it looked like last year (or was this two years ago?), in a pic taken by badz:
ang ganda, promise. though parang konti lang yung lights this year...siguro, sa december pa nila sisindihan lahat. i'll be back for the simbang gabi then. : )
the 3 of them went ahead. ako naman, i passed by the eagles of hope bazaar again, as pinky wanted me to buy her a doll, too. i also bought two ID laces, one each for ma'am jo & ma'am ting (nagandahan kasi sila sa ID lace ko, hehe).
i had to wait for the doll i wanted to be delivered at 8 o'clock. it was only seven, so i decided to watch the ongoing ateneo idol competition. jay-r, ekai & kuya rolls, fellow gabayanos, were also there. so was boy abunda! he was a judge in the competition. atenista rin siya, e. some even say na gabayano rin. panalo yung ibang comments niya:
"in your youth, you're not just bold, you're hot."
"mas magaling kang kumanta kay pacquiao."
haha! anyway, i left as soon as the competition was over. jay-r, ekai & i walked to gate 3. they invited me to the Christmas party. tapos sabi ni ekai, parang hindi raw ako tumatanda. sabi ko, tumataba naman. jay-r agreed, saying na mukhang hiyang ako sa work kasi nga tumataba ako. sabi ko, stress eater kasi ako, e. oh, well.
naghiwalay na kami sa aurora. i went to cubao, they went to marikina.
the day ended very well for me. i was tired, but i felt very peaceful inside. basta, ang sarap ng feeling. thank you for such a great day, Lord.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
reminders
last friday, i had dinner at shakey's glorietta with a couple of friends from gabay - guiller, chi, bel, de-anne and nina. it was nice to see them after so long. it was even better that tonight reminded me of so many things and feelings that i haven't encountered in a long time:
...the feeling that i could just "chill" and be "me"
for a couple of months now, i've been so harrassed by things at work - by the volume of the vacancies that we have to fill, and the pace at which things have to be done. from start to end of each day, i have to be on my toes, lest i do something that will make the situation even worse. but tonight, i was able to let loose in a way. i was able to goof around with the people that i'm with, without fear or apprehension.
...the feeling that it's okay to make mistakes
it's okay, and it could be funny too. and it would not have an effect on my performance appraisal for this year, or on my career, in the long run.
...the feeling that the people i'm with know me
sometimes, they say that the small things are the ones that matter. being the OC girl that i am, the little things do account for much. it comes as no surprise then, that i like it when people remember the small things about me, that other people do not even notice. small things like how i can compute numbers in my head fast, and that i dab tissue on my food to lessen the grease. small things that make me feel that i'm really with people i can call "friends'.
...the inspiration i got from SOA
on the way home, nina and i rode the bus to alabang together. though we were an aisle apart, we were able to talk some more. we reminisced on our SOA times (she was the education formation pillar coordinator, while i was the executive officer). i told her of how SOA changed my perspective. while i was in the gabay, i felt that i was giving my all already, and that i was one of the most committed members of the org. SOA changed that, thankfully. through the example set by my co-officers, i saw that there was so much more that i can do, if only i will transcend what i thought were my limits.
...knowing where i'd want to be
while we were having coffee in gloria jeans, nina asked us where we would want to be in 20 years. i replied that i'd want to have a family by then, with two to three kids, and a husband (of course). i also said that i'd want to be teaching industrial psychology by then.
it was a wonderfully long night, that extended a few minutes into the morning. thanks guys, for granting one of my birthday wishes. now you know that you can ask me out, once in a while. ;)
...the feeling that i could just "chill" and be "me"
for a couple of months now, i've been so harrassed by things at work - by the volume of the vacancies that we have to fill, and the pace at which things have to be done. from start to end of each day, i have to be on my toes, lest i do something that will make the situation even worse. but tonight, i was able to let loose in a way. i was able to goof around with the people that i'm with, without fear or apprehension.
...the feeling that it's okay to make mistakes
it's okay, and it could be funny too. and it would not have an effect on my performance appraisal for this year, or on my career, in the long run.
...the feeling that the people i'm with know me
sometimes, they say that the small things are the ones that matter. being the OC girl that i am, the little things do account for much. it comes as no surprise then, that i like it when people remember the small things about me, that other people do not even notice. small things like how i can compute numbers in my head fast, and that i dab tissue on my food to lessen the grease. small things that make me feel that i'm really with people i can call "friends'.
...the inspiration i got from SOA
on the way home, nina and i rode the bus to alabang together. though we were an aisle apart, we were able to talk some more. we reminisced on our SOA times (she was the education formation pillar coordinator, while i was the executive officer). i told her of how SOA changed my perspective. while i was in the gabay, i felt that i was giving my all already, and that i was one of the most committed members of the org. SOA changed that, thankfully. through the example set by my co-officers, i saw that there was so much more that i can do, if only i will transcend what i thought were my limits.
...knowing where i'd want to be
while we were having coffee in gloria jeans, nina asked us where we would want to be in 20 years. i replied that i'd want to have a family by then, with two to three kids, and a husband (of course). i also said that i'd want to be teaching industrial psychology by then.
it was a wonderfully long night, that extended a few minutes into the morning. thanks guys, for granting one of my birthday wishes. now you know that you can ask me out, once in a while. ;)
Sunday, April 09, 2006
...
more often than not, i refuse to believe that some things can't or wouldn't be. experience has taught me that believing is seeing, that my faith will eventually turn my hopes and dreams into reality.
but there you were. a fateful encounter was all it took to shatter my perspective. where i once was certain, i am now unsure. when before, i would have trusted and hoped, i now hesitate.
how could i believe, when you were a contradiction? you say one thing, when your eyes seem to convey something else. you seem to keep your distance, but once in a while, you do inch my way.
to wait was all that i could do. enveloped in a constant barrage of “what ifs” and “maybes”, i found myself hoping. hoping in one moment, and then doubting at the next. hoping and doubting, hoping and doubting. a vicious stream of conflicting thoughts and feelings that, to give an understatement, left me confused.
fortunately, the long wait did end. and my prize was well worth the wait.
many moons have passed since then. the winds have shifted direction, and things are at a standstill. or are they really? maybe the end has come sometime ago, and i was just too preoccupied to notice.
things are at a standstill. i am at a standstill, left with no choice but to remain this way. (is there really no other way but this?)
for now, i’m going to wait. and hope that in the end, my prize will be well worth the wait.
Monday, March 20, 2006
after so long...
tomorrow will be so different. something was lost, so tomorrow will be destitute of a tradition. it's an understatement to say that it's sad. actually, it breaks my heart.
Monday, December 26, 2005
in honor of the momentous event of badz discovering my blog...
i am posting the " ... (mahabang email)" that he sent to our thesis egroup at 12:12 am of march 13, 2005.
i absolutely love this email. reading it even after 9 months never fails to make me smile, & relive our fun times. in a way, it might seem weird that it was the only guy in our group who was able to capture into an email all the emotion-filled moments that we shared, but i'm quite glad that badz was able to do that.
the italics in parentheses are mine. read on, if you're patient enough. ;)
hello! :)
musta na? hehe... dapat nung monday pa ako mageemail nito, pagkakuha ng grades, pero hindi ko natapos itype... buti pala hindi ako nagemail nun, may idadagdag pa pala ako:
congrats! :) naks! bukod sa may latin honors kayong dalawa, may mini st. ignatius statue pa si grace (outstanding scholar!), hehe :p
anyway, bukod po dun, magpapasalamat din ako ng madami sa inyong dalawa :) A tayo sa thesis! yey! pangatlong A ko lang to sa buong college, pero ito din yung pinakamasarap kong A... i guess dahil ito rin kasi yung pinakamahirap :)
bukod sa thesis, salamat din noong:
expe psych - sa tingin ko madami tayong natutunan dito na nadala natin sa thesis... tsaka naalala ko pa noon na alanganin kayo sa subject na to, hehe... (alanganin kasi yung A namin ni candy. hehe!)
fr. dacanay - hindi ko makakalimutan yung pagcracram natin sa papers at pagmamadali magpaprint at magpunta sa jesuit residence, hehe... (all papers were due at 9 pm)
cog psych - medyo napabayaan nga natin ito kasi kasabay siya ng expe at theo 131, pero para sa kin ok pa din naman siya... kahit papano lesson na rin ito para sa atin - mas masarap ang tagumpay kung naranasan muna ang kabiguan :)
testing - hehe, medyo nakakapagod ito, pero gaya ng expe, marami rin tayong nadala sa thesis mula dito... marami akong kilalang juniors ngayon na nagrereklamo sa subject na ito, pero na-enjoy ko to, hehe...
i/o - yung tanging night class ko sa ateneo, hehe... hindi ko makalimutan yung hirit ni grace nung isang group meeting natin dito: "we don't need a devil's advocate because we already have the devil himself" (ok, hindi eksakto yan, basta parang ganun, hehe...)
hi 166 - medyo magulo yung group na ito, ang dami naman kasi e (plus ang dami ring kailangan gawin)... pero nalagpasan pa rin natin siya...
*special mention kay candy sa ab psych* - hehe, hula ko malaking dahilan kaya pumasa ako sa subject na to e dahil nagustuhan ni ma'am yung report natin :) salamat! :D (we had the same teacher, but i took the class after theirs)
*special mention ulit kay candy sa pol sci* - kung yung ab psych malaking dahilan yung report natin kaya ako pumasa, dito naman malaking dahilan yung report at paper natin kaya ako naexempt, hehe... nagfinals pa din ako (yinaya ako bigla ni berts nung pumunta ako sa testing room para magsoli ng philo notes kay kat), pero talagang mathematically impossible na maka-A pa ako dahil sabit lang ako sa pagka b+ ko, oh well... still, salamat! :) mababa lang ng konting-konti yung group work natin (1 point nga lang ata) hindi na ako maeexempt...
last but not the least (eto na)...
[wala na naman akong nakalimutan na iba di ba?]
thesis!
medyo mahaba-haba na tong email kaya iiksian ko na lang ng konti to...
una sa lahat, naaaliw ako na nag-enjoy tayo sa thesis... oo, sayang na hindi tayo nag best thesis pero ganun talaga ang buhay... naaalala ko nun nung isang meeting natin nung nag-iisip pa lang tayo ng topic nagtanong ako, "ano ba ang goal natin sa thesis? best thesis? o mag-enjoy tayo?"
alala niyo pa yung sagot niyo?
syempre, "pareho", hehe...
pero nung kailangan ng pumili ng isa, dun tayo sa 'masaya'... at dahil dun, ok na sakin na hindi best thesis... kasi mas gusto ko na yung masaya kesa naman best thesis tayo pero nagkaaway-away tayo, di ba?
sagot ko na din dun sa sinulat ni grace sa grad pic, yup, isa pa sa ikinatutuwa ko yung hindi tayo umabot sa point na nag-away away tayo... natupad natin yung pact natin... (one of our pacts when we began our thesis was to remain friends until at least april 2005)
[pero aaminin ko na naging mahirap siya... sobrang hirap... lalo na yung isa pang pact...] (our other pact was not to mention "the effect of color of paper on test performance", which was one of the topics badz wanted to do a test on, which i absolutely hated, to say the least)
alam ko na may mga oras na naiinis na kayo, tayo... sa kin, sa tin, o kung saan pang iba... pero at least hindi natin aalalahanin yung mga yun pag binalikan natin yung thesis (at least ako hindi)...
mas maaalala ko yung nag-e-enjoy tayo, lalo na yung hiritan...
gaya nung sinabi ni candy, nakakamiss yung mga hiritan... isa din sa pasasalamat ko sa group natin yung nagagawa nating maghiritan sa gitna ng mga matitinding pressure, hehe... wala lang, ilang group ba nakakagawa nun? (at makaka-A pa din sa thesis? hehe)...
gusto ko na ring humihingi ng paumanhin sa lahat ng pagkukulang at pagkakamali ko... kung madami (o sobrang dami) man sila, isipin niyo na lang... at least natapos na rin yung thesis at gagraduate na tayo :)
isa pa pala, tungkol dun sa thesis adviser natin... alam kong naging mahirap siyang hagilapin, lalo na kung kailangan natin magtanong, at nagiging malabo siyang kausap nung nakakapagtanong na tayo... minsan hindi nababalik agad yung mga papel, hindi nasasabi yung grade natin, at minsan nahihirapan tayo lalo...
pero pagkatapos nung lahat, na-appreciate ko din na kahit ganun, ok pa din tayo sa thesis... ma-i-improve pa sana natin, oo, pero di ba medyo ok din naman na nakaya pa din nating siyang gawin - naging resourceful tayo at nagtanong sa iba, hindi lang tayo umasa sa kanya... mas naging independent tayo at nag-isip para sa sarili natin...
hindi ko naman kayo pinipilit na sumang-ayon sakin, gusto ko lang sabihin na para sa kin, ok na din yung kinalabasan... kung nag-induce man ito ng dagdag na hirap, at least kinaya pa din natin yung hirap na yun... mas naging masarap yung matapos sa tayo thesis dahil dun... (at least para sa kin)
ok, wag kayong mag-alala, malapit na matapos to...
sa dinami-dami ng laman ng thesis natin, yung pinaka hindi ko makakalimutan e nasa first two pages...
sa page 2 (ii), lahat nung mga tumulong sa atin para matapos ito, mahirap nga naman gawin ang isang psych thesis ng wala kang ibang taong pasasalamatan, lalo na't kailangan natin ng ibang tao para matapos yung thesis natin... yun at yung dedication sa ilalim... ;) (badz wrote, "this study is for everyone who has loved, who is in love, & who will fall in love")
sa page 1 ( __ -> nakatakip nung white na square para hindi masama sa printing), yung title (malamang!) at yung pangalan nung mga nasa group...
oo, yun yung pinaka hindi ko makakalimutan...
bukod sa lahat nung napagdaanan natin, ilang thesismate ba yung makakaintindi sa priorities ko sa college? ;) hehehe... (his priorities were social life/basketball, orgs, & acads, in that order)
muli, salamat sa lahat-lahat... :)
ngayon, pupunta na tayo sa "next chapter" ika nga, life after college...
good luck sa ating lahat... :)
sa trabaho, kung sakaling mag-aaral ulit, sa love life, sa pamilya, sa mga kaibigan at sa lahat-lahat...
God bless!
wag niyo kalimutan tong egroups ha? email lang kayo "kamusta" lang o kahit kwento lang... :)
francis
ps.
congrats sa ting lahat, after 140 units in college (51 dun psych), tapos na tayo :)
"..."
i absolutely love this email. reading it even after 9 months never fails to make me smile, & relive our fun times. in a way, it might seem weird that it was the only guy in our group who was able to capture into an email all the emotion-filled moments that we shared, but i'm quite glad that badz was able to do that.
the italics in parentheses are mine. read on, if you're patient enough. ;)
=========================
hello! :)
musta na? hehe... dapat nung monday pa ako mageemail nito, pagkakuha ng grades, pero hindi ko natapos itype... buti pala hindi ako nagemail nun, may idadagdag pa pala ako:
congrats! :) naks! bukod sa may latin honors kayong dalawa, may mini st. ignatius statue pa si grace (outstanding scholar!), hehe :p
anyway, bukod po dun, magpapasalamat din ako ng madami sa inyong dalawa :) A tayo sa thesis! yey! pangatlong A ko lang to sa buong college, pero ito din yung pinakamasarap kong A... i guess dahil ito rin kasi yung pinakamahirap :)
bukod sa thesis, salamat din noong:
expe psych - sa tingin ko madami tayong natutunan dito na nadala natin sa thesis... tsaka naalala ko pa noon na alanganin kayo sa subject na to, hehe... (alanganin kasi yung A namin ni candy. hehe!)
fr. dacanay - hindi ko makakalimutan yung pagcracram natin sa papers at pagmamadali magpaprint at magpunta sa jesuit residence, hehe... (all papers were due at 9 pm)
cog psych - medyo napabayaan nga natin ito kasi kasabay siya ng expe at theo 131, pero para sa kin ok pa din naman siya... kahit papano lesson na rin ito para sa atin - mas masarap ang tagumpay kung naranasan muna ang kabiguan :)
testing - hehe, medyo nakakapagod ito, pero gaya ng expe, marami rin tayong nadala sa thesis mula dito... marami akong kilalang juniors ngayon na nagrereklamo sa subject na ito, pero na-enjoy ko to, hehe...
i/o - yung tanging night class ko sa ateneo, hehe... hindi ko makalimutan yung hirit ni grace nung isang group meeting natin dito: "we don't need a devil's advocate because we already have the devil himself" (ok, hindi eksakto yan, basta parang ganun, hehe...)
hi 166 - medyo magulo yung group na ito, ang dami naman kasi e (plus ang dami ring kailangan gawin)... pero nalagpasan pa rin natin siya...
*special mention kay candy sa ab psych* - hehe, hula ko malaking dahilan kaya pumasa ako sa subject na to e dahil nagustuhan ni ma'am yung report natin :) salamat! :D (we had the same teacher, but i took the class after theirs)
*special mention ulit kay candy sa pol sci* - kung yung ab psych malaking dahilan yung report natin kaya ako pumasa, dito naman malaking dahilan yung report at paper natin kaya ako naexempt, hehe... nagfinals pa din ako (yinaya ako bigla ni berts nung pumunta ako sa testing room para magsoli ng philo notes kay kat), pero talagang mathematically impossible na maka-A pa ako dahil sabit lang ako sa pagka b+ ko, oh well... still, salamat! :) mababa lang ng konting-konti yung group work natin (1 point nga lang ata) hindi na ako maeexempt...
last but not the least (eto na)...
[wala na naman akong nakalimutan na iba di ba?]
thesis!
medyo mahaba-haba na tong email kaya iiksian ko na lang ng konti to...
una sa lahat, naaaliw ako na nag-enjoy tayo sa thesis... oo, sayang na hindi tayo nag best thesis pero ganun talaga ang buhay... naaalala ko nun nung isang meeting natin nung nag-iisip pa lang tayo ng topic nagtanong ako, "ano ba ang goal natin sa thesis? best thesis? o mag-enjoy tayo?"
alala niyo pa yung sagot niyo?
syempre, "pareho", hehe...
pero nung kailangan ng pumili ng isa, dun tayo sa 'masaya'... at dahil dun, ok na sakin na hindi best thesis... kasi mas gusto ko na yung masaya kesa naman best thesis tayo pero nagkaaway-away tayo, di ba?
sagot ko na din dun sa sinulat ni grace sa grad pic, yup, isa pa sa ikinatutuwa ko yung hindi tayo umabot sa point na nag-away away tayo... natupad natin yung pact natin... (one of our pacts when we began our thesis was to remain friends until at least april 2005)
[pero aaminin ko na naging mahirap siya... sobrang hirap... lalo na yung isa pang pact...] (our other pact was not to mention "the effect of color of paper on test performance", which was one of the topics badz wanted to do a test on, which i absolutely hated, to say the least)
alam ko na may mga oras na naiinis na kayo, tayo... sa kin, sa tin, o kung saan pang iba... pero at least hindi natin aalalahanin yung mga yun pag binalikan natin yung thesis (at least ako hindi)...
mas maaalala ko yung nag-e-enjoy tayo, lalo na yung hiritan...
gaya nung sinabi ni candy, nakakamiss yung mga hiritan... isa din sa pasasalamat ko sa group natin yung nagagawa nating maghiritan sa gitna ng mga matitinding pressure, hehe... wala lang, ilang group ba nakakagawa nun? (at makaka-A pa din sa thesis? hehe)...
gusto ko na ring humihingi ng paumanhin sa lahat ng pagkukulang at pagkakamali ko... kung madami (o sobrang dami) man sila, isipin niyo na lang... at least natapos na rin yung thesis at gagraduate na tayo :)
isa pa pala, tungkol dun sa thesis adviser natin... alam kong naging mahirap siyang hagilapin, lalo na kung kailangan natin magtanong, at nagiging malabo siyang kausap nung nakakapagtanong na tayo... minsan hindi nababalik agad yung mga papel, hindi nasasabi yung grade natin, at minsan nahihirapan tayo lalo...
pero pagkatapos nung lahat, na-appreciate ko din na kahit ganun, ok pa din tayo sa thesis... ma-i-improve pa sana natin, oo, pero di ba medyo ok din naman na nakaya pa din nating siyang gawin - naging resourceful tayo at nagtanong sa iba, hindi lang tayo umasa sa kanya... mas naging independent tayo at nag-isip para sa sarili natin...
hindi ko naman kayo pinipilit na sumang-ayon sakin, gusto ko lang sabihin na para sa kin, ok na din yung kinalabasan... kung nag-induce man ito ng dagdag na hirap, at least kinaya pa din natin yung hirap na yun... mas naging masarap yung matapos sa tayo thesis dahil dun... (at least para sa kin)
ok, wag kayong mag-alala, malapit na matapos to...
sa dinami-dami ng laman ng thesis natin, yung pinaka hindi ko makakalimutan e nasa first two pages...
sa page 2 (ii), lahat nung mga tumulong sa atin para matapos ito, mahirap nga naman gawin ang isang psych thesis ng wala kang ibang taong pasasalamatan, lalo na't kailangan natin ng ibang tao para matapos yung thesis natin... yun at yung dedication sa ilalim... ;) (badz wrote, "this study is for everyone who has loved, who is in love, & who will fall in love")
sa page 1 ( __ -> nakatakip nung white na square para hindi masama sa printing), yung title (malamang!) at yung pangalan nung mga nasa group...
oo, yun yung pinaka hindi ko makakalimutan...
bukod sa lahat nung napagdaanan natin, ilang thesismate ba yung makakaintindi sa priorities ko sa college? ;) hehehe... (his priorities were social life/basketball, orgs, & acads, in that order)
muli, salamat sa lahat-lahat... :)
ngayon, pupunta na tayo sa "next chapter" ika nga, life after college...
good luck sa ating lahat... :)
sa trabaho, kung sakaling mag-aaral ulit, sa love life, sa pamilya, sa mga kaibigan at sa lahat-lahat...
God bless!
wag niyo kalimutan tong egroups ha? email lang kayo "kamusta" lang o kahit kwento lang... :)
francis
ps.
congrats sa ting lahat, after 140 units in college (51 dun psych), tapos na tayo :)
"..."
Me, Badz & Candy after the mass & before the graduation rehearsal.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
this tag thing
i'm weird.
i was not tagged by anyone, but i've seen this on several blogs already, so i'm answering it nevertheless. ;)
three names you go by:
1. grace
2. gracia - tawag ng mga nangungulit, may kasamang tan-tan-tan pa
3. baby - my actual nickname at home, though i'm the eldest of 4 kids
three screen names you have had: (ano raw?!)
1. glydel mercado
2. lucy liu
3. gracie lou freebush
three physical things you like about yourself:
1. the mole below my neck, which is right in the middle of my chest
2. my height - i've gotten used to being less than 5 feet tall (or short, as the case may be)
3. my light complexion - it makes finding suitable colors for clothes easier
three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. my bilbil, which is slowly but firmly fighting for its right for entry into the world
2. my acne-prone skin!
3. my hair, which used to be quite nice & shiny way back in high school
three parts of your heritage: (other than filipino, which is obvious)
1. spanish - i'm 1/4 spanish by blood
2. ilonggo - from my mom
3. bikolano - from my dad
three things that scare you:
1. death of family members & friends
2. uncertainty - i have yet to develop "negative capability", which is basically the ability to tolerate the unknown & uncertain
3. failure
three of your everyday essentials:
1. rice
2. meat
3. sleep
three of your favorite musical artists:
1. the corrs
2. lea salonga
3. the carpenters
three of your favorite songs:
1. don't say you love me
2. dreaming of you
3. before i fall in love
(shocks, mushy lahat. kaasar, only songs of this sort come to mind at the moment.)
three things you want in a relationship:
1. passion
2. intimacy
3. commitment, which i believe isn't possible without love
(shocks, psych major talaga ako! straight from robert sternberg's triangle of love. :) )
three truths in no particular order:
1. one person can make a huge difference.
2. love is a choice, not a feeling.
3. everything happens for a reason.
three lies in no particular order:
1. life is fair.
2. you've got to play by the rules.
3. love conquers all.
three physical things of the opposite sex that appeal to you:
1. eyes
2. skin
3. (i can only think of two. i'm too myopic to be visual. haha.)
three of your favorite hobbies:
1. eating
2. sleeping
3. talking
three things you want to do really badly now:
1. forget about our revalida
2. read a nice book
3. write something good again
three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. industrial psychologist/HR practitioner
2. clinical psychologist/counselor
3. public servant/NGO employee
three places you want to go on vacation:
1. puerto galera (dahil hindi ako nakapunta noong summer kasi nagkaroon ako. hassle!)
2. switzerland, because of the snow-capped mountain peaks
3. holland, because i want to be amidst so many live flowers
three names you like: (for my future kids!)
1. hannah
2. candace
3. crystal
three things you want to do before you die:
1. work for an NGO/support a cause i'm passionate about
2. learn to take care of plants (4 cacti have died under my "care")
3. learn to forgive AND forget
three ways that you're stereotypically a boy:
1. i'm quite aggressive at times
2. i offer to let people go before me
3. i used to watch basketball & wrestling a lot
three ways that you're stereotypically a girl:
1. i cook well. i have no specialty, but i can dish up practically anything, provided that i have a recipe & the ingredients.
2. i spend a long time in front of the mirror. (though this is only of late, since i have to apply make-up for work.)
3. i can spend five hours window shopping without getting tired & without wanting to stop. (making bene feel dizzy in the process)
tagging: everyone! :)
i was not tagged by anyone, but i've seen this on several blogs already, so i'm answering it nevertheless. ;)
three names you go by:
1. grace
2. gracia - tawag ng mga nangungulit, may kasamang tan-tan-tan pa
3. baby - my actual nickname at home, though i'm the eldest of 4 kids
three screen names you have had: (ano raw?!)
1. glydel mercado
2. lucy liu
3. gracie lou freebush
three physical things you like about yourself:
1. the mole below my neck, which is right in the middle of my chest
2. my height - i've gotten used to being less than 5 feet tall (or short, as the case may be)
3. my light complexion - it makes finding suitable colors for clothes easier
three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. my bilbil, which is slowly but firmly fighting for its right for entry into the world
2. my acne-prone skin!
3. my hair, which used to be quite nice & shiny way back in high school
three parts of your heritage: (other than filipino, which is obvious)
1. spanish - i'm 1/4 spanish by blood
2. ilonggo - from my mom
3. bikolano - from my dad
three things that scare you:
1. death of family members & friends
2. uncertainty - i have yet to develop "negative capability", which is basically the ability to tolerate the unknown & uncertain
3. failure
three of your everyday essentials:
1. rice
2. meat
3. sleep
three of your favorite musical artists:
1. the corrs
2. lea salonga
3. the carpenters
three of your favorite songs:
1. don't say you love me
2. dreaming of you
3. before i fall in love
(shocks, mushy lahat. kaasar, only songs of this sort come to mind at the moment.)
three things you want in a relationship:
1. passion
2. intimacy
3. commitment, which i believe isn't possible without love
(shocks, psych major talaga ako! straight from robert sternberg's triangle of love. :) )
three truths in no particular order:
1. one person can make a huge difference.
2. love is a choice, not a feeling.
3. everything happens for a reason.
three lies in no particular order:
1. life is fair.
2. you've got to play by the rules.
3. love conquers all.
three physical things of the opposite sex that appeal to you:
1. eyes
2. skin
3. (i can only think of two. i'm too myopic to be visual. haha.)
three of your favorite hobbies:
1. eating
2. sleeping
3. talking
three things you want to do really badly now:
1. forget about our revalida
2. read a nice book
3. write something good again
three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. industrial psychologist/HR practitioner
2. clinical psychologist/counselor
3. public servant/NGO employee
three places you want to go on vacation:
1. puerto galera (dahil hindi ako nakapunta noong summer kasi nagkaroon ako. hassle!)
2. switzerland, because of the snow-capped mountain peaks
3. holland, because i want to be amidst so many live flowers
three names you like: (for my future kids!)
1. hannah
2. candace
3. crystal
three things you want to do before you die:
1. work for an NGO/support a cause i'm passionate about
2. learn to take care of plants (4 cacti have died under my "care")
3. learn to forgive AND forget
three ways that you're stereotypically a boy:
1. i'm quite aggressive at times
2. i offer to let people go before me
3. i used to watch basketball & wrestling a lot
three ways that you're stereotypically a girl:
1. i cook well. i have no specialty, but i can dish up practically anything, provided that i have a recipe & the ingredients.
2. i spend a long time in front of the mirror. (though this is only of late, since i have to apply make-up for work.)
3. i can spend five hours window shopping without getting tired & without wanting to stop. (making bene feel dizzy in the process)
tagging: everyone! :)
Sunday, October 09, 2005
...
wala akong magawa. hehe!
i was just helping deirdre out with her resume. i find it fun because i've been there, and i don't feel any pressure in that department anymore. moreover, i feel that i have gradually been settling in at work, despite the fact that we are being rotated from one department to another every week.
on a sentimental note, my dad, my brother kiko, and my sister angel were watching the dvd of my graduation. that was almost seven months ago, but i literally felt tears on my eyes when i saw my vertically-challenged self behind judith and in front of bok. memories filled my mind, and i was just so overwhelmed of everything that has happened. more so when i viewed our interactive cd a few hours later, and saw ateneo's buildings. ngayon ko lang ulit naisip na maganda pala talaga ang campus namin. =) as my mouse pointer hovered over the menu, the urge to look at our very first block pic got the better of me. click! there i was with our original block - Block C - chubby as always, but with much better hair. unfortunately, patay na ang buhok ko ngayon. *sigh*
seven months, yet the memories remain fresh. thankfully, they do. college was a roller coaster ride that found me closing my eyes and holding my breath at so many points, but it brought me to level ground tougher and braver. i know (and i pray) that the next chapters of my life will do the same, at the very least.
i was just helping deirdre out with her resume. i find it fun because i've been there, and i don't feel any pressure in that department anymore. moreover, i feel that i have gradually been settling in at work, despite the fact that we are being rotated from one department to another every week.
on a sentimental note, my dad, my brother kiko, and my sister angel were watching the dvd of my graduation. that was almost seven months ago, but i literally felt tears on my eyes when i saw my vertically-challenged self behind judith and in front of bok. memories filled my mind, and i was just so overwhelmed of everything that has happened. more so when i viewed our interactive cd a few hours later, and saw ateneo's buildings. ngayon ko lang ulit naisip na maganda pala talaga ang campus namin. =) as my mouse pointer hovered over the menu, the urge to look at our very first block pic got the better of me. click! there i was with our original block - Block C - chubby as always, but with much better hair. unfortunately, patay na ang buhok ko ngayon. *sigh*
seven months, yet the memories remain fresh. thankfully, they do. college was a roller coaster ride that found me closing my eyes and holding my breath at so many points, but it brought me to level ground tougher and braver. i know (and i pray) that the next chapters of my life will do the same, at the very least.
Me and my thesis mates Candy and Badz, in the Ateneo High grounds before the processional. Syempre, all smiles (smile na yan sa standards ni Badz) dahil tapos na ang thesis. Moreover, we managed to keep the pact we made in June, when we were still starting our thesis: to remain friends at least until April 2005. Salamat sa Diyos, at friends pa rin kaming lahat.
Monday, September 26, 2005
missing soa...
SOA is an acronym for socially-oriented organizations of the ateneo. currently under it are 12 organizations. last year, i was the executive officer (EO) of the SOA Executive Board (EB).
last night, i got an email from bel (current SOA EO), asking how i dealt with non-performing EB members. while answering his question, a lot of things came rushing back, mostly about my 7 co-officers. how all of us were actually performers most of the time. how passionate we all were about what we were doing. how hard we tried to fulfill our responsibilities and help each other out, despite our heavy academic load (7 of us were seniors). how much fun we had, and how they serve as an inspiration to me, even now.
we haven't seen each other for some time now. i think the last time we saw each other was during may, as we helped the new EB in their formation seminar. that's why i miss all of them so much. i sometimes wonder if during our one year stint as SOA EB, i was able to let them know how much they meant to me, not just as workmates, but as friends too. sometimes, i don't think so. but they do mean a lot to me, and they do serve as an inspiration to me now. worthy of special mention are de-anne, mana, trina & ginger.
why? because i feel that they are truly living out the SOA and the ateneo vision. they are being persons for others in what they are doing now. both de-anne & mana are working in malacanang. ginger is a jesuit volunteer in samar, while trina is working for philippine business for social progress, an NGO. i often find myself wishing that i am with them too, or if not, i'm in the line of work that they are.
this is not to demean myself, nina and fred, because we are in the corporate world. nina is in glaxosmithkline, while fred is in sony life. i honestly believe that we can live out the SOA vision anywhere, even in the corporate world. in a way, it's actually more of a challenge for us to continue being SOA, as we are in institutions where the bottom line is profit. still, despite the happiness i feel right now, i can sense that something is missing.
i never imagined that a year of being part of the SOA EB could make such an impact on my life. in just a year, i met people whose passion in what they were doing made me feel ashamed of myself, and made me realize that contrary to my previous beliefs, i've got so much more to give. in just a year, a lot of the plans that i have made for myself are being replaced by plans that i'm weaving right now - plans that go beyond me, my family, and my future family in scope, but i believe are attainable nevertheless.
i miss SOA. in my mind and heart, i have resolved that i will never forget where i came from. i really pray that whatever happens, i would never doubt that i can do something to change the world.
last night, i got an email from bel (current SOA EO), asking how i dealt with non-performing EB members. while answering his question, a lot of things came rushing back, mostly about my 7 co-officers. how all of us were actually performers most of the time. how passionate we all were about what we were doing. how hard we tried to fulfill our responsibilities and help each other out, despite our heavy academic load (7 of us were seniors). how much fun we had, and how they serve as an inspiration to me, even now.
we haven't seen each other for some time now. i think the last time we saw each other was during may, as we helped the new EB in their formation seminar. that's why i miss all of them so much. i sometimes wonder if during our one year stint as SOA EB, i was able to let them know how much they meant to me, not just as workmates, but as friends too. sometimes, i don't think so. but they do mean a lot to me, and they do serve as an inspiration to me now. worthy of special mention are de-anne, mana, trina & ginger.
why? because i feel that they are truly living out the SOA and the ateneo vision. they are being persons for others in what they are doing now. both de-anne & mana are working in malacanang. ginger is a jesuit volunteer in samar, while trina is working for philippine business for social progress, an NGO. i often find myself wishing that i am with them too, or if not, i'm in the line of work that they are.
this is not to demean myself, nina and fred, because we are in the corporate world. nina is in glaxosmithkline, while fred is in sony life. i honestly believe that we can live out the SOA vision anywhere, even in the corporate world. in a way, it's actually more of a challenge for us to continue being SOA, as we are in institutions where the bottom line is profit. still, despite the happiness i feel right now, i can sense that something is missing.
i never imagined that a year of being part of the SOA EB could make such an impact on my life. in just a year, i met people whose passion in what they were doing made me feel ashamed of myself, and made me realize that contrary to my previous beliefs, i've got so much more to give. in just a year, a lot of the plans that i have made for myself are being replaced by plans that i'm weaving right now - plans that go beyond me, my family, and my future family in scope, but i believe are attainable nevertheless.
i miss SOA. in my mind and heart, i have resolved that i will never forget where i came from. i really pray that whatever happens, i would never doubt that i can do something to change the world.
The SOA EB after last year's SOA Awareness Day, with Sir Redg Plopinio of the Office of Student Activities. Clockwise from top right: Trina Yabut (Finance Officer), Sir Redg, Ginger Ramirez (President), Mana Domingo (Secretary-General), me, Fred Yang (External Affairs Pillar Coordinator), De-Anne Palapal (Community Building Pillar Coordinator), Janina Millan (Education Formation Pillar Coordinator), and Nats Llorente (former Organization Development Pillar Coordinator, current SOA President).
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